Stress~

Oh god, here i am again, feeling moody n down.Haizz...ain't no one can ever save me anymore....i m like a piece of shit tat cannot move on wif my life...i stop goin to coll, i stop doing things i like, i stop caring abt other ppl n i dunno wat's wrong wif me....i m seeing my future crash ahead of me n i m doin nth abt it...i feel so disappointed of myself, seriously...y must it always be a girl tat make my life miserable?y must it always be a girl tat killing my future?when m i gonna wake up?When?Jay Kok!!!u said u haf grown up but u nvr did, all r lies...u r still tat useless shit tat u r used to 3 yrs ago!Omg, i still tat shit....i m feeling so sad...i really hope someone can understand my feelings now...i cant eat much, i cant sleep well, i m feeling tired everyday, i nvr do works, i go out everyday to avoid thinking much....i need some help, i seriously do!
i noe thr r frens for me, but they dunno wat m i thinking, neither myself....frens ask me wat's wrong, i said dunno, all they noe is onli abt her....i m confused, whether i m stupid enuf to believe she is not wif him or i m dumb enuf to be angry at someone tat is not mine anymore....i m so lost, i realli dunno y m i still living in dis world now...i m pissed, i m confused, i m sad, i m dwn....must well i go die now, i dun wanna suffer anymore....i HATE dis, HATE, realli HATe!!!FARKER, ASSHOLE, FARK U...GO TO HELL....I M A SHIT, HAPPY???FARKING GET ME OUT OF THIS LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!
i m feeling so pissed, i m living in a darkness....but she is happy outhr wif him....farker!Yuhhhhhhhhhhh.........i dun feel like tokin to anyone anymore....leave me alone, stop askin me da same question when u already noe....i feel goin away from dis place....i realli want to....i shouldn't haf stay in dis fcking coll....i m so regret....i m so dumb....STUPID!!!ALL THE GIRLS R SAME!!!DUMBASS!!!i feel like askin someone to gang bang farker wif me....i m so pissed!!!!!!!!!!!
Tat day i realli dunno whr to put my face already....all of them saw it, n they r tellin me as if i m blind enuf to c...fuck la...my frens must be thinking tat i m dumb...haha laugh at me then...yea i m dumb...fucking dumb to still liking her n she is liking someone else...happy????tiu fucking ass, i shouldn't haf went thr tat day....the outcome is i getting sad n pissed....not worthy at all, she is happy to c him not me...all my surprises r not worth anymore....everything is not worth anymore....even grandma is not worth anymore....i should not go tat day, i should just stay home, then at least i m feeling better....watevar they do, i dun c it...then i still can continue to be dumb...i m more pissed n dwn after hearing wat grandma said to me ytd...maybe she was right...she dun nid us anymore, all she nid is onli him...he can replace the 3 of us...especially me....well if like tat, i wont want her to be my fren anymore...serious...i should go to the top of da mountain n jump from thr...
i m realli farkin dwn tat day...even kath noe it, tat's y she accompany me to club so tat i can release my stress but still sux...well then went genting, my first time drove up....n it was 3 am....if i drove up alone, i probably not in dis world anymore, but well wif kath n her bf so i cannot kill them as well...i still dun feel gd after comin dwn from thr...thr's dis fucking shit tat bothering me dis few days...i dunno WAT SHE WANTS....I HATE MYSELF....I HATE THAT I LOVE HER SO DEEP....I HATE....is she being selfish??y is she still tellin me she miss me n all when she already haf someone else???????wtf??????I THINK U R THE FIRST ONE TAT KILL ME....I HATE LIES..................I M SO MOODY, DEPRESSED, STRESS, DOWN, PISSED, FARK UP, SAD...............................

p,s. i really nid some help before i realli get crazy.....n yea if u dun c me update my blog next few days, i probably dead dy...i m having headache everyday, well maybe i haf brain cancer...i realli wish.