Irresponsible.

sigh~
been having such busy weeks.

last week, move house.
assignment due.
all this things already fill up my whole week.
didn't even go out.
miss watching movie especially, well for some reason.

only to teman my gila-ing cousin.
aiks.
go shop with her, that's kills me lotz.

this week, start with bad stuff happening.
sigh~
never expect it to end so early actually.
probably the worst case in my life.

should be sad or be happy about it?
i got no feelings anymore.
i just lost a backup.
fuck man.

a new month.
living my life without her.
haha.
is better that she hates me.
or else i feel really bad.
so guilty that i feel so emo everyday.

stress~
i am all to blame.
now the boat tenggelam already.
my friends sure gonna laugh at me.
cause they already warn me.

why?
that piggy is just unpredictable.
so fucking daring.

i hurt her too much larh.
those uncountable lies.
sigh~
i felt so not human after all.
didn't even explain to her, just runaway like that.
so irresponsible.
yea man, that's the word.
useless is what i am.

i seriously don't know how to face her if i bump into her on the street.
what the fuck is wrong with me?
i can't do anything.
i can't save it anymore.

well, is this gonna be the end of my suffering?
or just the beginning of it?
although is not love but still takes time to forget.
plus i just ditch her like this.
gotta be hard to forget.

i seriously feel so bad.
sigh~
and i really don't know what that piggy wants.
just complicated.

i hate myself.
a no balls guy.
fucking timid and useless.
how am i gonna success?

haiz~
i am so lost.
is this a punishment for being greedy?
or being playboy?

well, i think i gotta act like one.
so that i won't feel bad.
and i won't feel regret.

i am gonna retire from love.
take a rest.
is okie.
there are more to come.
lost one, come 10.

this year very good in love luck.
is alright.
tak kan piggy gonna halau all the girls away right.
well, just wait and see.

btw, huanrock where the hell are u?
like disappear already.
must come talk to me more.
nowadays emo larh.
share share problem wad.
haha~

and zera, hope to heard from u soon.

that's all for now.
ciaoz.

word of the day = irresponsible

I will feel better if you hates me, i am sorry.

Jay @ emo-ing

I remember.

OOOhh yeah oh yeah
Oooh, remember
Oooohh remember, don't wanna know

Where were you, when I said I loved you?
And where were you, when I cried at night?
Waiting up, couldn't sleep without you
Thinking of, all the times we shared

I remember when my heart broke
I remember when I gave up loving you
My heart couldn't take no more of you
I was sad and lonely

I remember when I walked out
I remember when I screamed I hated you
But somehow deep inside, still loving you, sad and lonely

No one knew, all the pain I went through
All the love, I saved deep in my heart for you
DIDN'T KNOW WHERE I WOULD GO, WHERE I WOULD BE
But you made me leave,
and plus my heart it just
It just kept telling me so

I remember when my heart broke
I remember when I gave up loving you
My heart couldn't take no more of you,
I was sad and lonely
I remember when I walked out
I remember when I said I hated you
But somehow deep inside, still loving you, so sad and lonely

There was nowhere else to go, oh
Nobody else, to turn to, no
For the rest of my life,
I promise myself I
Will love me first
GENUINELY

I remember when my heart broke
I remember when I gave up loving you
My heart couldn't take no more of you
I was sad and lonely

I remember when I walked out
I remember when I said I hated you
But somehow deep inside, still loving you, sad and lonely
I remember when I walked out
I remember when I gave up loving you
My heart couldn't take no more of you
so sad and lonely

I remember when I stormed out
I remember when I gave up loving you,
I was sad and lonely

~ taken from the song "I remember by keyshia cole"

confess.

Sigh.
suppose to be happy today.
cuz i hang out with piggy and grandma at pavilion.
had a nice day and yet spend so much.
well, not me.
i just bought a tee and a boxer.
sometimes is really hard to control.
haha.

i am such an emo freak larh.
haha.
well, what i am not right?
feeling so tired.
been out since morning till evening.
drive from kl to nilai and to kl again.
not to mention, being piss is also a waste of energy.
is not that i want to.
i am seriously do pissed. but i control my temper.
cuz i know i have no right to angry abt it.
and i am just being stupid.

and again.
i feel that i change lots in my temper.
is that a good thing?
but still being bully.
sigh.

i guess grandma made me sad too.
she said about her bf, and from what i heard, he is really an ass.
but what to do, she loves him so much.
i can't do much to help her, the only thing is she wake up and realize.

talking about that, see what love can do.
it can make someone become so dumb.
but u know sometimes is really hard to control the feelings.
is not easy to let go.
sigh.

well, just like me.
being so dumb because of her.
love is like a magic.
i just can't let go.
wasting my time on someone who doesn't love me back.
sigh.
this is life i guess.

and grandma ask me about mikie.
i told her what i don't like about this girl.
then she ask me why i still hold on to it when i already know she is not the one for me.
i said i don't know.
u know i am being selfish, i know i am wasting her time.
i am being a jerk, for lying to her and all.
what for??

i just realise about this today.
why?
because seeing myself loving someone so much but she is loving other people.
then i know how it feel.
i am just doing the same thing that what she do to me.

hold on to 2 people and lying everyday.
is this what i want?
why am i making myself suffer?
sigh.

grandma said is fair for me and her.
why?
because we lie to each other.
should i be happy or be sad about it?
this is no joke wei.
i am the one that suffer, not neither both of them.
well, i can't blame anyone.
i am the one that making all this up.
make it even worst now.
what comes to me, i will just accept it.
there is no turning back.
i hate myself.
for everything i did.

that day she asked me, " what kind of relationship are we having now?"
sigh.
i know what she wants.
but i just wanna hang on to it.
cuz i just don't wanna have any relationship.
i told her is not the right time.

frankly speaking, i won't wanna have any relationship with neither both of the girl.
even i have feelings for both but i won't.
is not worth for me to do so.
is either i am gonna hurt someone or someone gonna hurt me, that's the conclusion.
i rather go find another girl, i mean besides the both of them.

so people stop asking me about all the bullshit.
i am still single.
yes, there are girls for me but i don't want to commit.
that's all i can say.
i have to protect myself.

again, gotta apologize to the both of them.
for the things i did.
i am sorry.

sighness.
i am suppose to be doing my marketing assignment now.
but look like i don't have to mood to do so.
yea, is because of her again.
well, don't be confused.
my friend classified them as "P" and "M".
so i guess today is because of "P".
i have to love her less.
from now on.

tomorrow gonna be busy.
do packing.
today already escaped.
haha.
then have to really start my assignment.
next tuesday moving man.
then i guess i won't be so stress anymore.
sigh.
all the best to myself.

suddenly i felt that i am missing zera.
i remember her scolding me for being dumb.
and she said i have to think for myself.
i really miss talking to her.
well, wait till u online then.

what am i thinking?

about the football match tomorrow?
or some other things?
or assignment?

i am just confused.
i guess i am too tired.
really need to sleep early.
being sad is not the way to lives.

that's all for now.
hopefully i will have time to update my blog.
gonna be busy.
ciaoz.

word of the day = lies

I love someone who doesn't love me back and i like someone who loves me so much.

Jay @ guilty

Emotional.

bored~~
is tuesday.
marketing class as usual, with the short quiz.
sigh.
i guess i couldn't get full marks for it.
then heavy rain like shit.
maybe that's the reason why dumbo is sick.

well, hope u can recover on time. hee.

nothing much.
rushing for assignments.
wanna get crazy soon.
not only me i guess.
that piggy also stress.

sigh.
smoke like shit.
faster die man. haha.
kinda lonely now.
so many girls also no use.

oh yea, u better don't learn to smoke u piggy.
I WARN U AR!!!

yesterday was so lazy to go college.
then that piggy larh.
so i went the lecture.
damn, feel like sleeping.
ish.

why this post talk so much about piggy?
sigh.
she always talk about bunny.
not happy =(
go kacau my friendster some more.
damn.

gonna move soon.
gonna be even more busy.
staying different place with the aunts, good!
peace of mind at least.
haha.
so bad of me.

a bit emo now.
i also don't understand why.
that Huanrock ask me so many things today.
haha.

ask me who i like then who i love.
ask me why don't want to couple with this and that.
at last, all i could say is i wanna be single.
don't wanna get hurt.
well, even though i can see that dumbo won't hurt me.
but nothing is impossible k.

i wanna get the perfect girl then i will only commit myself.
haha.
frankly speaking, this 2 girls are not good enough.
gonna get kill soon =P

u see.
the problem is i won't choose.
aiyer.
i am such a Liar.
i want all, can i?

"No air, no air, no air.
i can't breathe, can't lives without air.
that's how i feel when u are not there.
tell me how u gonna lives without me?"

" cry me a river, now is your turn to cry."

"girl, i can't help but wait.
baby girl, u are my star."

"i can hear your heart crying out for me."

"what hurt the most, is being so close."

"i just wonder, do you ever think of me anymore, do you?"

" i have been sitting here, can't get you off my mind, i tried my best to be a man and be strong.
i drove myself insane, wishing i could touch your face, but the truth remains...
you're gone, you're gone............"

just some part of lyric from some songs.
guess yourself then.
well, i love the last song.
see, so emo.

sigh.
super emo now.
emo kok.
haha.

missing someone.
i have no idea which one.
haha.
just feel lonely ok.

i guess that's all for now.
ciaoz.

word of the day = emo

You are sick, never message me, that is when i feel lonely.

Jay @ lonely

Given.

nothing much today.
got up kinda late.
have been really busy at home.
first, gotta install those stuff back to my computer.
u know, my data gone again.
gonna learn to back up now.

then, help out the aunt with the packing.
shit, guess what.
my box of collection cokes and pepsi at the stock
room actually some sort of spoil.
make me threw like 6 or 7 cans of them.
cuz is really damage badly.
sighness.
one of them is so nice but i had no choice.

then, change another box.
took out all the other cans as well.
then place in one basket.
i actually took a picture of them.
and i count for the first time.
i have like 130 of them.
wuahaha!
huge collections man!

then, head to do some other packing.
clean up many stuff.
i was feeling so tired then.

opps, is already 10.30pm.
almost forget about that dumbo.
haha.
someone is going clubbing, too bad i can't go.
next week ok, i try.

been downloading songs just now.
facebook a lil.
then here to update my blog.
boring isn't it?
feeling so lazy to study.
argh, those assignments again.
hate that.

feel like going for movie tomorrow.
maybe shopping perhaps?
oh yea, i wanna get shoe laces.
not just one, but many.
i want different colors shoe laces.

fashion a bit larh.
haha.
like that only handsome wad XD
then girls will only pay attention to me.
already said wanna find the third one wad, so gotta do something.

sigh.
didn't know what to write here today.
just that, i feel that i am missing someone.
could it be you?
or another you?
i don't even know what am i saying.

i love this song.
"cry me a river"
by Justin timberlake.
well, it maybe an old song but i still like it.

in a complicating situation.
but don't wanna find a solution to it.
sighness.
i am sick of life.
i am just lazy to care about it anymore.

just don't wanna be emo ok.
i must control.
trying to.

oh yea, i love this song too.
"can't help but wait"
by trey songs.
the lyrics is meaningful.

okie, since i don't know what to write anymore,
then i just update tomorrow ok?
ciaoz people.
random pictures.




my collections of coke and pepsi.
=)

word of the day = packing

even though you don't mean the world to me but i still cherish the moment we had.

Jay @ figuring

Exhausted.

sighness.
i am suppose to be happy with my new computer now.
but looks like is the other way round.

i am glad to be back online and updating my blog.
but sometimes things just don't go the way i want to.
like things i saw, things i did.
how i feel and all sort of shit.
definitely it will affect my day.

i wish i am in a club now, well again.
u know, i just miss clubbing so much.
but maybe this month is not the right time i guess.

i am so lazy to actually update you about what happen last few days.
well, maybe i can't even remember them.
just as usual, went to class and all.
having a bad week as i said before.
nothing much interesting.

last 2 days was really tiring.
drove too much i guess, well even today too.
tired physically and also mentally.

i really trying to be positive in everything.
but sometimes is hard man.
even try control stuff i am not suppose be doing.
is hard man.
maybe that's the reason i felt tired.

i do feel that i am so sick with everything.
sick with life and love especially.
i seriously don't wanna go into the love topic again.
it always make my life complicated.

well, maybe i should just find a third one.
am i right, my friends?
make sure is a perfect one.

trying not to be emo.
but u always make me to.
maybe i should just learn to appreciate what i have now,
instead of waiting hopelessly about something i can't have it.

but.....
i can't even have an idea about what i want.
i think i am the one that hopeless.

people said they understand me.
i wonder, are you sure?
i don't even understand myself sometimes.

i should just look at the future.
relax and not think so much about love.
it always kills me.

i should not let myself know who i love nor who i like.
haha.
sounds stupid right?
is a way to forget perhaps?

yea, still the same thing.
i should just find another one instead.
this 2 are up to no good.

i, myself comes first.
not any of you.
u get me?
so stop bully me and treat me like a fool?
just fuck off ok.

well, i am pissed actually.
a lil emo too.
cuz i sense something, u know some bad stuff.
didn't wanna mention here.
is better to keep it to myself.

i don't want another march 10 to happen again.
sighness.
that was just another nightmare.

i have sin too much.
must go for confession already.
maybe god didn't even wanna help me neither.
i am just hopeless.

maybe i am just not important to u anymore.
i am being dumb again.
why is always you that make me fall?
i must really wake up and see the real you.

that's all i wanna talk about today i guess.
kinda emo now =(
u know, haiz.
ciaoz.

word of the day = emo

Why don't just appreciate what you have now than wishing for something that you can't have it?

Jay @ sigh-ing

Feelings.

Mygodnesssick!
can't believe that i actually have to use mojo's notebook to write this post.
dammit!

here the fucking story.
on the tuesday morning, when i got up about 11 something.
my comp there got some shit error pop up window.
so i just don't care.
damn, later my firefox became cacat.
is alright, i just left it there till i came back from class.

when i came home, wanna use the damn comp.
it suddenly restart itself.
i was like WTF!

i turn it on again but it goes restart again.
after few try, i can't get in the window!
argh!!!
i was so darn pissed.
take the whole damn cpu to the computer shop and fix.

i don't know what the fuck is wrong with it.
the guy haven't call me and tell me.
here goes the fucking comp and the reason why i can't online.

sighness.
i guess this whole week gonna be a really bad week.

first, on Monday was terrible.
i can't imagine any of that thing happen in my life.
wtf is wrong with all those girls wei.
i shouldn't have went to midvalley.
then this shit won't happen.

u know girls always make impact in my life.
i have no idea why.

damn, i just not worth for any of u to fight for ok.
this whole monday shit was made up by me.
i am all to blame.
but is too late now, i am already half way through it, no way i am gonna turn back.

not only that, my fucking timetable even worst now.
everything is like a mess to me.
an unsolved mess.

enough of Monday.

then comes tuesday, another bad day.
blardy comp spoiled.
then later at night, comes another story.
fuck larh, no brain ok.

ish, girls really love to gossip man.
not only that, they love to cause trouble.

suffer because of all this shit.
question me like i have no own life to live.
i don't have freedom now is it?
why i have to tell u people that why i do this and that?

after this asked, "why u so scare of her?"
then later another ask back the same damn question.
fuck!!
i don't have reason to answer all that bullshit.
i like to do what i want then leave me alone.
i got my own freedom.
i want to be happy ok.
i live my life for myself not for anyone else.
why i have to care about how u and u?
why i have to suffer to make everyone happy but myself????

i am really pissed.
i don't know wtf i want now.
this 2 girls are making me go to hell.
i already said, i don't want anyone ok, i am fucking single now.
so don't fuck in here and control my life.
i want to be happy, don't make me suffer.
i like u is my problem, i love u is my problem.
if i think being like this is happy, i chose that myself.

not necessary that, when u love or like someone, u must to have them.
or u have to control them.
learn to share, learn to understand.

if i ever lied to u guys, i am sorry.
i don't mean to.
i don't know what can i do, i am making a decision and u guys giving me pressure.
do care about my feelings when u think i did something bad to u,
or when u think that i have hurt u and make u the saddest person in the world.

i don't know how many times i have to say this.
i am a human too, i have feelings.
i can't blame u guys either, i know i am wrong too.
my mistake is that everytime i do something i did it rushy.

don't make me emo ok.
i am really stress in my life.
no one ever understand how i feel.
never, neither both of u.

sigh.
today was alright.
but later, i hope nothing happen.
i really don't know how to face it.

things really changed after all this shit.
maybe people don't trust me anymore.
is alright, i lie a lotz.
this is my punishment.

classes as usual.
met back some of the old friends.
aiks.

i don't want all this shit to happen in my life anymore.
i got my own life, my freedom.
even my mum doesn't control me like that.
sighness.

Girls, the scariest animal.
soon, i am gonna die because they gonna eat me up.
haha.
stupid ok.

that's all for now.
any bad news, will post it up tomorrow.
ciaoz.

word of the day = freedom

Jay @ tired

Figure.

Nothing much happen today.
so darn boring.
i was complaining to one of my friend yesterday night.
cause i can't go out!!!
because of the election, damn.

if not, i will be in some club do my things. haha.

election over, the aunt said is still dangerous.
ask me don't go out so much.
omg, till when then.
is like being grounded huh.

yalo, you look at the election results also know larh.
don't wanna talk about it here, after i kena tangkap.
haha.

saturday pula stay home and do packing.
whole family do packing wei.
darn funny lo.
end up we so tired then all went to sleep after packing.
haha.
but still have more to pack!

today at least got go out.
went to ikano with mum and sis.
then went back to mum's place, gila with sis a while then fell asleep.
after that, went home and online.

i was so stress about my blardy subject.
just realize that F&I is darn tough so no way of me gonna do that man.
gonna change that subject.
see how's the timetable goes after that.
change to FM maybe.
sighness.

i don't want to fail anymore larh.
i must work hard to my dream.
and my hope for leaving malaysia.
haha.
in the future, i must either stay in Taiwan or US.
cool huh.

now must study this shit first.
after i graduate, find work.
then take up part time course for media and production studies.
of cause i won't do it here larh, where got future one.
then blah blah blah.
improve myself in Taiwan for the production studies, then head to my dream.
yea, to become a film director.
wait for me Hollywood.
or perhaps an Oscar XD

small head with big dream huh.
well, this is life.
btw, gonna think positive.
life is short.
just enjoy first.

probably gonna die fast.
drink coke everyday and smoke.
haha.

alright, tomorrow start class.
damn, i don't want man.
i am going to change my subjects first.

here comes March.
so fast.
another 2 month, i am 21.
cant wait man.

benefits:
- more chicks perhaps? i mean those mature ones.
- clubssssss here i come (every club)
- casino $$$
- Horse racing
- more freedom perhaps?

err, can't think anymore larh.
only thing is I AM OLD!

sighness.

hopefully gonna be a good one.
life sucks.
that's all.
ciaoz.
some random pics =)


my latest coke collection from US.
Omg, is the classic bottle!
thanks Mojo.
My latest drawing collection.
used only black marker.
it reflects something in my life.
the old school baju.
my high school pj tee, drawn by me.
it was about the past.


word of the day = old

Sacrifice my happiness for what is good for u.


Jay @ deciding

Question.

not so tired now as i slept for like 13 hours from yesterday 10pm till 11am today.
sighness.
i wonder why am i so tired till i have to be like this.
is it tired?
or just to forget?

is alright.
people calling me lazy monkey pula.
hmm, i really don't know what to write man.
haha.

let's start with yesterday.
went to one u with wei yin.
oh yea, dumdum and nad were there too.
had lunch at italianese then so called bump into dumdum =)
then we blah a lotz.

then dumdum talks about her house broke in story.
laugh till i can't breathe man.
i didn't wanna say it here, bet she sure gonna kill me if i do so.
haha.

went to watch "10,000 BC".
it was kinda stupid from what i think.
but still alright larh.
somehow, i won't wanna watch it again.

after movie, lepak around for baju.
tak biasa larh to see my baju so lil.
actually all inside the box XD
can't get any but got a pants (is white! =D )
before ciaoz-ing home, went to drink at Delicious.

reach home, i heard another story.

D : i think we cannot move to OBD larh. the feng sui very bad then got buyer wanna see already. i think we faster sell it.

J : then where we stay wor?

D : we went to see one at tiara there. very big then good condition, enough for us all. if want, can try to get RM 2000 per month.

J : (already bored with this look) oklo, u like lo.

D : but got one parking space only. u park back at prima larh.

J : huh? then how am i gonna go back then how to take my car?

D : i fetch u there larh.

J : (shit face) then morning class how?

D : u walk there larh.

J : (can die face) walau eh!

M : then u stays at prima lo.

D : then u stays at 2 place lo.

J : (happy) oklo.

so now, we are moving to that tiara there.
is an apartment that near prima there.

then today, went to do stuff with mojo.
first, we went to lunch then back to prima to get stuff.
head to cash converters after that.
was at the taman megah one at first then to the sunway there.

later, head to mv.
mojo wanna fix his phone, so i too wanna get my salary.
lepak a while, with that Evan boy also.
head home after that.

so darn tired.
online then dinner.
crazy around the house.
i wanna make myself crazy.
to be happy wad.

just to realise this few days, i really don't feel sad at all.
is this a good thing or a bad thing?
i should just question myself.
deep down my heart, i want the true answer.
i know what am i doing but there is just something.
sighness.

i don't want to be emo emo.
haha.

i don't miss her but is weird that i don't feel good if i don't see her for like so many days.
is so obviously that this is some liking shit.
maybe is true that what my friend said.
i know she knows.
deep down my heart i know.

i do miss u.
i do love u so much.
this is something i keep to myself.
it won't change.
u know who u are,
an important someone.

that's all.
ciaoz.

word of the day = important

Jay @ questioning

Feedback.

I am addicted to "when you look me in the eyes by Jonas Brothers".
usually when i listen to this kind of song, sure be thinking of someone.
but now, i am confused.
who am i thinking?
sighness.

guess u guys can knew it.
the same old person.

somehow i do manage to not emo emo.
because i must learn to let go.
i am trying hard.
i wonder why i am doing so, there must be a reason.
haha.
that's why i don't wanna feel sad, just let it be man.
take everything cool, be happy, that's life.

" if you just realize what i just realized,
that we'd be perfect for each other
and we'll never find another.
If you just realize what i just realized,
we'd never have to wonder
if we missed out on each other, now."

from Realize by Colbie Caillat

i like this song too.
somehow is just amazing.
meaningful ar.

got up kinda late this morning.
suppose to go for lecture at 8am, but ffk.
continue my packing then.

pack my cupboard there punya stuff.
omfg!
at first i just stone there not knowing how to start.
then after an hour plus, i clear up all my drawers stuff.

those stuff like letters, cards and stuff.
memories larh, cannot throw.

still keeping those letters, the form 3 story larh.
haha, love letters.
pictures and all.
kinda miss it.
well, that was high school.

then, those cards she made.
now only realize got quite a lot ar.
obviously i won't throw them.
i will keep it forever.

time pass really fast.
high school then college then now uni.
those love life i had.
from high school till now, is so unpredictable.

funny is, i am so good friend with my ex now.
then, that pig. can't believe i have to be friend with her even before i stop loving her.
guess i really grown up now.
life is so unpredictable.

new girl now?
nah, i am not ready yet.
every thing's on hold now.
don't wanna rush man.
guess i really afraid of being in a relationship.
those past experience i had.
that's it man.
i rather flirt around.

but look, i had this lil problem.

girl : what kind of relationship are we having now?

boy: err, more than friend?


well, actually i don't get it. more than friend means what?
is not couple right?
then?
alright, i want u guys to tell me ok.

aiyer.
i am starting to emo emo.
no way man, i am not going to.
control!!!

can miss but not emo ok.

wohoo, i actually finish packing those unused stuff.
now left those stuff that gonna move to OBD.
left not much, i already pack 5 boxes.
one box is my clothes! but i didn't wanna tell the aunt, she sure screw me up.
haha.

tomorrow not gonna pack, going to ou.
with wei yin.
hopefully i can see dumdum as well =)

tired now.
gonna go facebook a lil then head to bed early.
take care.
ciaoz people.

word of the day = memories

Jay @ controlling

When u look me in the eyes.

If the heart is always searching,
Can you ever find a home?
I've been looking for that someone,
I'll never make it on my own
Dreams can't take the place of loving you,
There's gotta be a million reasons why it's true.

When you look me in the eyes,
And tell me that you love me.
Everything's alright,
When you're right here by my side.
When you look me in the eyes,
I catch a glimpse of heaven.
I find my paradise,
When you look me in the eyes.

How long will I be waiting,
To be with you again
Gonna tell you that I love you,
In the best way that I can.
I can't take a day without you here,
You're the light that makes my darkness disappear.

When you look me in the eyes,
And tell me that you love me.
Everything's alright,
When you're right here by my side.
When you look me in the eyes,
I catch a glimpse of heaven.
I find my paradise,
When you look me in the eyes.

More and more, I start to realize,
I can reach my tomorrow,
I can hold my head up high,
And it's all because you're by my side.

When you look me in the eyes,
And tell me that you love me.
Everything's alright,
When you're right here by my side.
When I hold you in my arms,
I know that it's forever.
I just gotta let you know,
I never wanna let you go.

When you look me in the eyes.

And tell me that you love me.
Everything's alright,
When you're right here by my side.
When you look me in the eyes,
I catch a glimpse of heaven.
I find my paradise,
When you look me in the eyes.
Oh


~ When you look me in the eyes by Jonas Brothers

Learn.

ngek ngek.
feeling so tired now.
today i have been so blardy hardworking man.
non stop doing stuff only.
i am so proud of myself =)

today is tuesday. Duh!
woke up at 10am.
the aunt wants me to fetch her to buy lightings.
went ss2 then head to puchong.
give those lightings to the contractor.
went home pula have to bath my baby.
haha. (my baby means is my car larh)

then head to settle those hampers.
u think is easy huh?
but damn, is a darn blardy tiring work wei.
almost cut my hand too.

done that, go search for boxes.
alah, when i went in to my room XO
fell like dying wei =Z
i really have no idea how to pack.

oh oh, hold on a second.
i didn't even tell u guys that i am moving house yet larh!
haha. Lmao

let's jump to the move house issue first.

okie okie.
it happened yesterday, which is Monday.

after dinner, we had our family meeting.

D : the sei landlord want to increase the rent to RM6000 a month arh. we have no choice already, have to move to OBD temporary.

M : he is crazy or what? then oklo, all move to OBD first lo since Chua Garden haven't ready. Btw, what have the contractor done when i am gone for 6 months ar? they seems to do nothing.

J : (laugh)

D : (starting to get piss) aiya! that stupid contractor useless la. what do nothing? i have to go buy lighting and all. then they have to put it on larh. now the air con all stolen, they have to put everything on hold.

M : Okok, we don't talk about chua garden first. talk about moving house stuff ok. what u wanna say?

D : i said we should cook our dinner at prima.

M : why? it doesn't make sense at all.

J : (weird face) huh?

S : Why cook at prima? OBD also can cook wad.

D : (angry) why cannot cook at prima? i after work go eat dinner then go back OBD larh!

M : i don't understand. why everyone have to go to prima and have dinner then go home again? why can't is just cook at OBD?

D : (cry) u always don't want to listen to me. i don't care larh. U said what then what. i already say that Susan stays in Prima then we cook there.

J : (squeeze)

M : u never say susan stays at prima at first. u just said cook in prima.

D : that's why u never listen. i said susan stays at prima so that i no need to fetch her to work and back home.

S : i can take bus by myself. sometimes jay can drop me too. u no need to worry about me.

D : sometimes early class then how? lives in prima is more better wad.

J : i can fetch her one. for sure i can fetch her home.

M : okie. now listen, we try this one week ok? maximum 2 week larh, if u guys think is difficult then susan stays in prima ok.

S : okie.

D : i don't want to register phone line there.

J : (shock) then how am i gonna do my assignment??

D : only for few months for what need internet? u go prima there to online larh.

M : don't noisy. then Jay stays at prima with me larh.

J : (sweat) huh? How am i gonna fetch susan then?

D : cannot larh. Jay cannot stays in prima. if the plan don't work out, susan stays in prima also then i stay alone with the maid ar?

M : no one ask u to stay alone larh. we wont let u stay alone ok. then now, jay can come to prima for internet larh. or can go to internet cafe wad.

J : yup, good idea.

M : use in Internet cafe larh, how much, i pay for u. then your computer put in OBD.

D : (angry again) Why have to pay to use internet? why can't jay use in prima? why have to waste the money.

M : okok, use in prima ok.

J : like that better i buy a laptop larh.

suddenly all quiet.

M : so now, everyone stay in OBD. jay can use internet at prima, the computer put in OBD. susan stays in OBD for trial then we rush the contractor to finish chua garden by june ok. so deal?

J : okie, cool.

alamak. what a conversation man.
actually it has more but i cut it short. our family conversation is always tak logic plus always misunderstanding among us.
talk to Dinosaur memang wanna vomit blood larh.

then so end up, we moving to OBD, my aunt's apartment at Taman desa.
well, nearer to most of my friends.

then, i saw Jaime online yesterday, told her about the story.

Jaime : Mojo's back?

Jay: yup

Jaime : did he and Dinosaur fight?

Jay : almost did

Jaime : about what?

Jay : moving house
all of us gonna move to OBD

Jaime : the landlord don't want to extend?

Jay : increase the rent to 6000 a month le.

Jaime : what did they fight about?

Jay : about who staying at where.
Dinosaur comes up with mangali plan.
She said cook dinner at prima then after dinner go back OBD.

Jaime : OBD no kitchen meh?

Jay : got larh.
we almost vomit blood talk to dinosaur.
if u are here, u also vomit blood man.

Jaime : i can imagine.
So how now?
all don't eat larh.

Jay : then the dog.

Jaime : why? Dinosaur wants to kill her ar?

Jay : nola. scare she bising ma..

..................
more rubbish to go..
but i cut it short.

so now u know the dinosaur very teruk larh.

then u know why we have to move house larh.

okie, continue about my packing stuff shit.
first, i get a blardy big box to fit all my cokes and pepsis. haha
darn a lotz man!
i wonder how am i gonna carry. zzzz

then, those cd and magazine.
throw darn many larh.
realise now buy magazine waste money larh.
throw so many rubbish man.

those high school stuff also still keeping man.
i throw them all already.
except those with wonderful memories larh =)

alah, pack then more stuff come out.

from afternoon pack till just now around 10 something.
neh someone larh, last time said wanna help me pack wor.
now pula tell me busy.
sighness.

still got clothes, bags, hair stuff, accessories to go.
hopefully i sampai hati to donate many clothes larh.
if not sure darn a lotz, the aunt sure screw me nicely.
must put some at different houses.
haha.

i can't imagine my life without internet wei.
shit, kill me better. no astro some more.
must rush the stupid contractor to finish the house faster.
yor.

darn fucking tired now larh.
i use so much of my energy today.

my dog pula make me stress.
blind already nevermind but shit here pee there.
dammit larh.

haha.
but being single isn't that lovable?
=D

i so agree with that.
enjoy life now, don't wanna think so much about love.
love sucks.
haha.
wait till u come back to me then love is sweet.
well, life is unpredictable isn't it?
so don't assume!

emo emo also no use larh.
learn to accept whatever that comes to u,
whatever comes to u is what god wants u to learn.
make sense doesn't it?

ahah. tomorrow don't wanna wake up so early larh.
take more time to rest now, next week only work hard.

argh!
hand itchy wanna buy stuff.
must control.
ehehe.

u know what.
i learn something when i scold her that day.

~ love is not everything.

that's all people.
quite a long and nonsense shit post.
anyway do enjoy.
ciaoz.

word of the day = enjoy

Jay @ hungry (on diet larh)

Voice up.

I hope this time is really over.
hanging on is not the way.
u don't give me what i want.
even don't appreciate what i do.
using my money for another guy.
what am i man?
sometimes i feel sad for myself.

though of loving someone so much can make them change, but i was wrong.
they will never change.
i understand.
with me, there is no future.
but still, just let me go before u hurt me deeper.
why still have to be so selfish?
have u ever care about how i feel?

i care so much about u.
did everything i could to make u happy.
but u just don't care.
when u need me, then only come find me.

everyone been saying that u are using me, i fuck them up.
but then i realize too now.
they said u need money that's why u need me.
make me blardy sad.

just come to realize, maybe is true.
why u still have to look for someone like him when u already have me here treating u so good?
why u still need me when u already have him?
dumb people also know why.

sometimes i really do wonder, wtf i am to u.
so freaking unfair.
but i still hang on at first, why?
because i love u.

one time, second time, third time.
i can't recall how many times u lie to me.
nor how many time u hurt me.

i don't care whether u are angry or what if u are reading this.
u are just another bitch i have known.
i have to scold u.
because i am pissed, i felt stupid.
because i want u to know, everyone have their feelings too.
so that u don't repeat the same thing again.

about me and claudia,
we purposely do that.
why?
we want u to wake up, want u to learn your lesson.
i know is hurt.
even though u hate me and her, go ahead then.
u don't wanna be friend with me and her, go ahead then.
if u are still being like this, u are really no hope anymore.

maybe u don't fucking care, because u think u already have him.
he is everything u want, u can only see him, not anyone anymore.
u can't see what your friend is doing for u.
fuck it then.

do u know why u got not much friend?
because u never admit when u are wrong.
u always though what we do to u is wrong.
u never realize what we do is for your own good.

people talks about u, why?
because of your attitude.
when are u gonna change?
well, maybe u think he will be there for u forever.
i don't care man.

another thing.
i don't know whether u are dumb or no brain.
loving someone like him?
i know he treat u fucking good, even better than me.
but i seriously find nothing good about him.
some more last time he threaten u like that and u fucking tell me, i won't wanna have a bf anymore.
all my bf treat me so badly and all the bullshit.
and now, u fucking stick back to him like the whole darn world is dead.
if u found another guy, i wouldn't say much.
but if is him, i really look down on u.

next time when u have trouble, don't look for me.
i won't help u man.
u know why, because u never use your brain.

i know u gonna hate me for what i said here.
i don't mind.
go on and tell him what i said here, ask him to beat me up or something.
i don't give a damn.
do what u wanna do since u still acting like this.

u always said u are sucks.
yes u are.
saying wanna die and all.
but u never did.
i am so sick of all those stuff k.
only those small lil girl will talks about things like this.
u never grow up.
never.

u know what, u just never change.
and u won't.

those attitude problem.
those temper.
well, i know u won't throw temper on him.
only to me wad.

i don't understand why u have to lie.
even a small darn thing, u still have to lie to me.
i am not dumb u know.
everything u did behind me, i knew it all.
those guys u once like when u are with me, whatever u did.
i knew but i never say.
cuz i wanna act like i am fucking dumb.

u fucking disappointed me.
u hurt me so fucking deep that no one have ever did before.
but u never feel guilty.
maybe u think is fun.
as u like it man.

i felt so fucking dumb now.
u still wanna said what me and claudia did to u is blah blah blah.
wake up girl.
i don't scold people like this.
u should be grateful.
cuz i want u to be a better person ok.

people said i am dumb, i don't mind.
they said u are bad, i protect u.
i told them they are wrong.
cuz i trust in u.
but times and times, u disappoint me.
u make me lost my trust in u.

that's why now i don't trust u.
i don't mind telling u, i can't trust u.
this is what u make me.

i wonder why u have the heart to actually hurt me so much.
have i ever reject to do your favors?
have i ever did any bad things behind u?
i never. i don't even lie to u.
the thing is u don't trust me.

look at u now.
do u feel happy?
u are hiding all your feelings.
u said we don't understand u, yes we don't.
but u never share your problem with us.
u said we don't wanna listen, we want.
but sometimes, use a better way to tell us k.

do u know why u are suffering?
your problem.
u are being greedy and selfish on everything u do.
having attitude like this will never make u having a better outcome.
it will make u suffer in the end.
u never satisfy with what u have now, u just always want more.
why can't u just learn to share?

be mature ok.
i know u will be crying and saying that i hate u and all after u reading this.
i know u too well already, whatever your action will be next, i knew it.
just want u to know i don't hate u.

if u love me, i know is hard for u to let go.
so do i.
is so fucking sad that i have to do this.
but i have no choice, this is my decision.
u already messed up my life once and yet i accepted u.
but now is different, i felt that u are not worth anymore.
i have given u so many chances u know.
hoping that u are what i think but again u let me down.
i have to tell u the truth.
even though i still love u, i have to accept the fact that u don't.
so i have to learn to let go.

i don't wanna treat u as my close friend now.
i don't wanna have someone like this to be my close friend.
wait till u are mature enough and that u have change then i will consider about it.
sorry, if u wanna hate me, just go ahead.
i won't help u anymore if u have any problem.
be independent and solve it yourself.
i can't help always.

since u can't make a decision, i help u to.
i told u already, i will have to put out if u still don't decide.
don't tell me about u needing me and all.
i had enough of that.
i don't want to hang on like this anymore.
i won't be happy, i am suffering.
is like no end.
u know, i will have to start thinking for myself.
i have been thinking for u always and i neglect myself.
i can't be so good always, i just can't get what i want.

do care about how other people feel.
and appreciate whatever they did.
well, maybe u did that to others but not me.
i understand.
i am always the stupid one.
but u really hurt me a lot.
i really hate how much i love u.

this is the last time i telling u all this.
if you wanna change or u don't wanna change, is your business.
i can't care about it anymore.
i have done my part as a good bf and also a good friend.
but still, i do nothing to make it better.
so that's all i wanna say.
go think about what i said, go think yourself.
or if u wanna treat it as a bullshit then is okie.
i already accept it, i don't expect much for u.

good luck and bless u.

a post for u, catherine leow.