More.

i am kinda pissed now.
i really do.
now i know why people talk about her everywhere.
sighness.
just another one.

first time in my life, i really do feel that i hate her.
i seriously do feel that she is using me.
people told me last time, i never believe, but i really realize now.
haha.
who cares then?
is not like i need her or something.
why i have to be so dumb?
nah, i am not anymore.

treat her so good for what?
people don't appreciate one, waste time and gas only larh.
so good, so what?
still go find another guy larh.

all this kind of girls are sucks.
not mature enough i guess.

pretty girls so what.
the bf sure darn freaking ugly one.
i wonder whether their eyes are ok or not.
haha.

u are rich but u think those girls want u?
they want your money larh dumb.
money more important for them wad.

aiyor.
i really don't know how to describe all this kind of girls.
don't know whether should i said that they are no brain or they are dumb.
sigh.

but well, all this kind of girls are everywhere.
u want those good one?
darn hard to find man.

that's why now, don't take love so seriously.
hurt yourself only.
play play enough lo.
those girls now also play play only wad.

now i don't care man.
if i can get 10 girls, i want them all.
haha.
fun right.
i have learn my lesson from u.
good experience too.

tired larh.
shouldn't be angry just now.
waste my energy only.

aiks.
missing her larh.
but she went back to aussie already.
i wonder when can i see her again.
sighness.
the perfect girl.
*dreaming*

if couldn't get her, still can get her sister wad.
not bad also but a lil childish.
but who cares, most important is who is she first.
haha.

that dumbo pula, treat me too good already.
i can't insist my feelings for her.
nothing happen yet.
so let it be first.
too many to handle already.

what a year for me.
so good at love fortune ar.
i can resist man.
but i love it.
hahaha.

nevermind.
pray for more love to come.
more gf is ok one.
cheaper by a dozen wad.
haha.

i guess that's all for now.
ciaoz.

word of the day = play

Jay @ crazy

Found.

hey.
told u guys i am gonna update on sunday right.
so here i am.

what happen for the last few days then?

wednesday, went to work.
woke up so darn early, i was freaking tired too.
cuz i watch the tvb show till like 3am the other night.
damn, i have no choice then head to work.

what a boring day.
that is all i can say.

then on thursday.
same routine again.
another boring day.
curi tulang a bit.
haha.
so darn tired.

on friday.
eh, not so jam.
not enough sleep.
another boring day.

sighness.
then something happen.
don't wanna talk about it.
make me so stress.

i know sure kena already.
but i don't care still.
i know i can handle it.

yesterday pula, busy day.
suppose to wake up early but hahaha.
woke up at 12pm.
went to pavilion with the cousin.
then she said wanna go sg wang.

i was like =O
she said wanna go buy shirts some more.
i lagi =C

i ask her, "u wanna be ah lian ar? what happen to u??"
well, i really can't stand the way they dress.
it makes me sick.

at last, she too can't stand it.
we faster run back to pavilion.
the gila cousin bought shirts.
i just look.
i am so broke man =(

then at 5pm.
faster go home for dinner.
then at 7pm.
head to stadium merdeka.

jam all the way there.
walau eh.
reach there full of cars, find parking.
faster go in.
so darn many people man.

then the concert start.
wahsei.
Jay Chou is so cool man!
i almost faint there.
especially when he plays the drums.

i am so so admire his talent.
was so moody before the concert, but after that, i am so happy.
haha.
can't get enough man, i swear i gonna watch his concert again.

finish concert, suppose to head to poppy to clubbing but never.
cuz the cousin wanna go velvet, the sis at poppy.
so alah, i don't wanna go la.
i went to yum cha instead.
at hartamas.

went home about 3am.
so darn tired man.

this morning woke up at 11 something.
not so tired.
lepak around the apartment.
can online already.
cuz i fix the modern thingy.

went back to chua garden then.
online and download songs.
later going out for dinner.
family dinner.

i feel alright this morning.
didn't wanna think about those things.
just wanna relax a lil.
feeling piss isn't the thing i wanna do.
feeling kinda annoyed about it.

i already know my decision.
hope i won't change it again.

well, i am putting my hope in doubt.
so brave of me.

trying for something that i can't get even though i have so many other things available for me to choose.
get what i mean?
so this is my decision.

i am sick of lies.
sick of jealousy.
sick of stress.
sick of argument.

i am sorry if i have ever hurt u.
i can't always make a decision that is good for others.
i have to think of myself.

that's all.

word of the day = decision

Jay @ relaxing

Lifeless.

Here goes another day.
so what did i get?

nothing actually.
just had my hair cut.
guess is alright this time.

so whaddup?
did another bad thing today i guess.
well, already no hope for myself.
soon i won't be feeling guilty.
those evil gonna fill all my heart soon.

not a bad day.
got up then head to midvalley.
was thinking about my life.
was like " alah fuck it larh, don't wanna fucking care anymore."

home dinner tonight.
miss it so much.
is been a while since i drink soup.
but i still miss Japan.
especially those snow.

sighness.

yesterday got up so early.
have to watch my Nba all star game.
i am always on West.

but they lost.
well, because Kobe never plays that's why.

still, Lebron James won the MVP.

then head to watch Jay Chou's movie.
with the gila-ing cousin.

nothing much these days.
i am so bored of my life.
especially girls.
none of them are good.

i guess money is the thing they see first before u.
wanna get a rich guy and all, bullshit man.
rich guy make a fool of themselves only.

fuck it larh.
i am poor, so how?
u wanna be with me or not?
dammit.

i wonder why the hell i am so pissed.
argh.
take up smoking again.
don't care even people don't let.

fucking stress wei.
faster let me die.

love so what.
not worth.
so good for what?
to get bully?
fuck larh.

no more Mr. nice guy.
i swear.

well, working tomorrow.
till friday.
at jusco Dior.

then saturday will be busy.
better be busy, if not will think a lot.
hate it.

life is so unpredictable.

missing her.
guess she is just another E and L.
for me to see, but not to hold.
haha.

already used to it.
those nice ones won't come to me.
is fine.
sigh.

that's all.
update on sunday (hopefully).

word of the day = hopeless

Jay @ moody

Fooling.

hey!
i am back.
it has been really fast man.
just a blink of eyes, i am already back from Japan.

Well, i do enjoy myself so much in Japan.
free from those stress is my main point.
just miss those snow.
i love snow man.

with a gang of crazy people in my tour.
so much happiness.
especially meeting someone special like her.
i wonder when can i see her again.

See, i am still the Jay Kok right?
still flirting all around and acting like a playboy.

frankly speaking, i admit i am one.
i don't mind having many girls.
well, of course, it have to be hot chicks.

i realize i have done many sins.

start from this year, i am really a trash.
i am a liar, cheater, an asshole.

what's makes me like this?

myself.
i can only blame myself for being selfish and stubborn.

i do felt guilty sometimes.
but i have no choice.
sighness.

if i can have her, i would give up every other girls i have now.
life is always unfair.

i feel that everything is unfair to me.
i am just too dumb.
i sacrifice myself too much for others.
they don't even appreciate.
they don't even respect me.

what am i to u huh?
i guess being rich is just not good.

Jay Kok, u farker.
can u stop being so soft hearted.
can u fucking wake up and realize wtf u are doing.
can u do yourself a favor to stop being such stressful everyday?

Wtf is wrong with u?
i am so disappointed in u.
in myself.

sighness.
Lies.
i hate lies.
but i lie.

doesn't make any different right.

i wonder when can she stop hurting me?
because i farking love her, that's why it always hurts me.
sighness.
give up on me then.
go on and love him as u found something good about him.
i am not worth.
i guess i am just not good enough.

guess i gonna have to do something about it.
i am sick of hearing things that i don't wanna hear.

Life sucks ever since love comes in.
just let me be what i wanna be.
throw away those love, and be evil.
play with them like a toy.
being good will only hurt myself.
sorry man, i don't want to suffer anymore.

sooner or later.
i will hate love.

i am not understanding anymore.
being understanding will only become a victim.

i hate myself.
i really do.

if people who always wanna die, they are just not brave enough.
stop avoiding it ok.

alright, stop being emo.
u sucks ok.

talk about something nice, will u?

ok, guess what?
i didn't buy much in Japan.
i bought a snoopy soft toy and a snoopy towel.
haha.
few key chains and a memory card.

those branded there are not worthy to buy.
eat a lot as i know.
non stop eating from morning till night.

had my first experience as i ski.
cold weather makes me happy.
especially those snow.

happy to see her everyday.
happy to wear many layers of clothes. lol
happy taking pictures.

alright, let me clarify first.
i don't like her ok.
i am just kinda interested in her.
plus she got bf already.
sighness.

wanna look at those pictures then check out my facebook ok.

oh yea.
not to forget.
valentine's day.

this valentine's, i am fucking broke.
those presents are already killing my wallet and me.

i don't even know whether is it worthy or not.
sighness.
it was a good one though.
2 presents, first time in my life.
i was expecting 3 actually. haha.

i meet huanrock yesterday.
to my surprise, he is not that tall.
haha.

suppose to be working today, but couldn't get my ass off.
so i ffk the metro job.
working for jusco one tomorrow.

and i am going for Jay Chou's concert.
on the 23th.
can't wait man.

that's all for today.
ciaoz.

word of the day = playboy jay

Jay @ evil

Unfair.

hey there.
i have been really busy recently.
even fucking stress.

sighness.
this is just not the way to live.
i hate this.

btw, zera is back in mal now.
hang out with her yesterday, even make her angry.
sorry k.
i guess i wont be seeing u anymore.
when i am back from japan, u are already gone.
sob~
only can meet u for one time.

i am so tired with life.

she hurts me the second times yesterday.
i really don't understand why.
this is just so unfair.
what's so good about him huh?
why is the good one have to sacrifice always?
why i have to suffer everytime?
is it because i am too dumb?
i really have no idea.

yesterday i only realize that i always think for other people than for myself.
do i consider myself good or dumb?
that's why i never happy in my life.
i never think for myself, all i care is other people.
fuck it man.

dammit!!!
i am like one crazy people.
this morning woke up, i am like one ass man.
don't know wtf is wrong with me also.
i am like blur and so moody.
like the fucking whole world is dead.
i don't feel like talking to anyone.
i think i better go die.

i think i sleep till die la.
this world is so unfair.
so UNFAIR.

i am mad.
fucking mad.
i don't want anything, just let me leave this world ok?

i don't want anyone ok.
i stay single ok.
or be a gay ok.

girls are complicated.
love is hurt.
i don't want to take it seriously anymore.
be liar and playboy ok.
i think i should do that.

if i still crazy like that, i think i should visit the mental hospital.
tanjung rambutan better.
far from here wad.
everyday just laugh for no reason.
act like a fool, i guess i will be more happy.

i am so so so so so so fucking stress.
fucking headache now.
fucking moody.
fuck larh.
fuck only larh.
simply fuck ok.

i cannot take it anymore.
i need to go bar or club already.
i wanna get drunk.
so that i will be happy.
okie.
that's all.

oh yea.
thanks for the care u guys give me.
i know u guys are a bunch of good friends.
sorry for not appreciate, and not listening those advices u guys gave.
but don't worry ok.
i will handle it myself.
i am glad of having u people.

ciaoz.

word of the day = fuck.

Jay @ stress to the max