Fragments

Christmas just passed.

Is just another day for me.

unlike last year, i was having feast with turkey and foods.

got a present from my sis.

somehow, i should say that this christmas is not a good one.

sighness.

what to do.

i am working, plus is double pay for christmas.

the 6th day of working.

nothing much, boring and sometimes fun.

but somehow, time passed by really fast.

bored with work, but if never work then gotta feel bored as well.

so must well just bored with work, at least can get pay right?

my buddy, pinky and wei yin are working with me.

both of them complaint everyday, i really can't stand it.

no work to do also wanna noisy. *shake head*

bull shitting everyday only, eat, watch movie and online.

these are what we do during work.

even christmas eve was sucks.

actually was having this so called house party.

but somehow not so party at all.

what we do was just play ps3, mahjong and poker.

some of them even complaint that is boring.

even worst is some of them actually ffk me.

sighness~

what so ever, i don't wanna mention bout it anymore.

what is worst that, they don't even know what to do on new year eve.

pissed with it man.

not comfirm and all, don't want this and that.

fuck it ok.

don't make me mad ok, if not i gonna stay home only.

can't even come up with some plan.

what's wrong with these people?

Still cough and a lil flu and sore throat.

i was better actually but after had a lil of chivas and cigarette, those virus back again.

skip my medicine for few days. 

i am tired of not eating food i wanna eat and cold drinks.

what so ever.

let me die only if can't recover.

nowadays really having some bad temper.

well, i always been bad temper but now i am worst.

sometimes i felt scare of myself.

i can't recognize who the hell am i.

get pissed suddenly and crazy only.

not only that, fucking scold people.

i think i will beat people soon.

i know i am like this.

but somehow i can't control myself.

i am like one crazy fellow.

i seriously don't know what's wrong with me.

what is bothering me?

sometimes i really hate myself.

don't even know what i want.

i always don't know what i want in my life.

for the 21 years in this world, i still can't decide what i want in life.

should i call myself hopeless?

i wasn't in the mood today.

i don't wanna mention why.

but i always wanna let this feeling go.

it hurts me.

damn.

"sometimes you left me wonder, sometimes you left me speechless.

It wasn't you, it was my bad. I left to no choice, so i pull off then to realize that pulling off is that i gave up.

I don't wanna suffer so i gave up. Did i make the wrong choice? No or Yes? I am in doubt, as i am suffering now too. You wasn't the best, neither i. Nobody is perfect, ain't nobody is not self-fish. You are the reason why i am thinking, you are like my disease. I try to move on, which you already did. You are my regret and my mistake. Well, which i not even sure that a good thing or a bad thing. Funny is that i called my friend dumb for what ever thing he do, but not realizing that i am just like him. What i can say is love is blind. No matter how bad the someone you love, you still wanna help them and wanna stay in love with them. Even when they don't love you anymore, you still wanna wait for them, hoping that you still have the chance. Some people may think that this is an act of stupidness but when it comes to you, you wouldn't realize that you are just the same. This is human nature, we can't change that. Every single day, i stop myself from thinking of you. I don't wanna bother, don't wanna care. When i can't sleep at night, i hate it the most cuz i am gonna think about you and keeps wondering. I miss everything. Some people said that you are not worth for this, some said just forget bout it. I try to get you out of my mind but this is not an easy task. I don't get it, i seriously don't. What is the thing that make me fall so deep? For the first time in my life, i am loving something that i didn't had before or should i say something that i am not gonna get it. Nobody gonna understand how i feel, neither i. Maybe i should just think about this, is not gonna go on like this. Fuck, i hate this. I hate it cuz i am bad in making decision. what so ever, just so you know, this feeling taking control of me, i can't help it. I try my best to let go of you but i don't want to. Here i am without you, drink to all that we have lost, mistakes we have made, everything will change but love remains the same."

nothing much.

just some random thinking in my mind.

don't bother man.

Jay kok is somehow different now.

sighness~

gosh.

have to work tomorrow.

need to sleep really soon.

hopefully i can sleep later.

aiks.

this year just passed by like this.

so many things happened which i can't even remember some of them.

somehow, this is one eventful year.

but not a good year for me.

what so ever.

god hasn't been really good to me.

family went to ipoh, cousin went sabah.

home alone for few days.

well, better off alone.

with my dog at least.

what did i not include here?

i guess that's all.

Merry Christmas people.

May god bless you people always.

ciaoz.

words of the day = love remains the same

Jay @ mood-less