Voice up.

I hope this time is really over.
hanging on is not the way.
u don't give me what i want.
even don't appreciate what i do.
using my money for another guy.
what am i man?
sometimes i feel sad for myself.

though of loving someone so much can make them change, but i was wrong.
they will never change.
i understand.
with me, there is no future.
but still, just let me go before u hurt me deeper.
why still have to be so selfish?
have u ever care about how i feel?

i care so much about u.
did everything i could to make u happy.
but u just don't care.
when u need me, then only come find me.

everyone been saying that u are using me, i fuck them up.
but then i realize too now.
they said u need money that's why u need me.
make me blardy sad.

just come to realize, maybe is true.
why u still have to look for someone like him when u already have me here treating u so good?
why u still need me when u already have him?
dumb people also know why.

sometimes i really do wonder, wtf i am to u.
so freaking unfair.
but i still hang on at first, why?
because i love u.

one time, second time, third time.
i can't recall how many times u lie to me.
nor how many time u hurt me.

i don't care whether u are angry or what if u are reading this.
u are just another bitch i have known.
i have to scold u.
because i am pissed, i felt stupid.
because i want u to know, everyone have their feelings too.
so that u don't repeat the same thing again.

about me and claudia,
we purposely do that.
why?
we want u to wake up, want u to learn your lesson.
i know is hurt.
even though u hate me and her, go ahead then.
u don't wanna be friend with me and her, go ahead then.
if u are still being like this, u are really no hope anymore.

maybe u don't fucking care, because u think u already have him.
he is everything u want, u can only see him, not anyone anymore.
u can't see what your friend is doing for u.
fuck it then.

do u know why u got not much friend?
because u never admit when u are wrong.
u always though what we do to u is wrong.
u never realize what we do is for your own good.

people talks about u, why?
because of your attitude.
when are u gonna change?
well, maybe u think he will be there for u forever.
i don't care man.

another thing.
i don't know whether u are dumb or no brain.
loving someone like him?
i know he treat u fucking good, even better than me.
but i seriously find nothing good about him.
some more last time he threaten u like that and u fucking tell me, i won't wanna have a bf anymore.
all my bf treat me so badly and all the bullshit.
and now, u fucking stick back to him like the whole darn world is dead.
if u found another guy, i wouldn't say much.
but if is him, i really look down on u.

next time when u have trouble, don't look for me.
i won't help u man.
u know why, because u never use your brain.

i know u gonna hate me for what i said here.
i don't mind.
go on and tell him what i said here, ask him to beat me up or something.
i don't give a damn.
do what u wanna do since u still acting like this.

u always said u are sucks.
yes u are.
saying wanna die and all.
but u never did.
i am so sick of all those stuff k.
only those small lil girl will talks about things like this.
u never grow up.
never.

u know what, u just never change.
and u won't.

those attitude problem.
those temper.
well, i know u won't throw temper on him.
only to me wad.

i don't understand why u have to lie.
even a small darn thing, u still have to lie to me.
i am not dumb u know.
everything u did behind me, i knew it all.
those guys u once like when u are with me, whatever u did.
i knew but i never say.
cuz i wanna act like i am fucking dumb.

u fucking disappointed me.
u hurt me so fucking deep that no one have ever did before.
but u never feel guilty.
maybe u think is fun.
as u like it man.

i felt so fucking dumb now.
u still wanna said what me and claudia did to u is blah blah blah.
wake up girl.
i don't scold people like this.
u should be grateful.
cuz i want u to be a better person ok.

people said i am dumb, i don't mind.
they said u are bad, i protect u.
i told them they are wrong.
cuz i trust in u.
but times and times, u disappoint me.
u make me lost my trust in u.

that's why now i don't trust u.
i don't mind telling u, i can't trust u.
this is what u make me.

i wonder why u have the heart to actually hurt me so much.
have i ever reject to do your favors?
have i ever did any bad things behind u?
i never. i don't even lie to u.
the thing is u don't trust me.

look at u now.
do u feel happy?
u are hiding all your feelings.
u said we don't understand u, yes we don't.
but u never share your problem with us.
u said we don't wanna listen, we want.
but sometimes, use a better way to tell us k.

do u know why u are suffering?
your problem.
u are being greedy and selfish on everything u do.
having attitude like this will never make u having a better outcome.
it will make u suffer in the end.
u never satisfy with what u have now, u just always want more.
why can't u just learn to share?

be mature ok.
i know u will be crying and saying that i hate u and all after u reading this.
i know u too well already, whatever your action will be next, i knew it.
just want u to know i don't hate u.

if u love me, i know is hard for u to let go.
so do i.
is so fucking sad that i have to do this.
but i have no choice, this is my decision.
u already messed up my life once and yet i accepted u.
but now is different, i felt that u are not worth anymore.
i have given u so many chances u know.
hoping that u are what i think but again u let me down.
i have to tell u the truth.
even though i still love u, i have to accept the fact that u don't.
so i have to learn to let go.

i don't wanna treat u as my close friend now.
i don't wanna have someone like this to be my close friend.
wait till u are mature enough and that u have change then i will consider about it.
sorry, if u wanna hate me, just go ahead.
i won't help u anymore if u have any problem.
be independent and solve it yourself.
i can't help always.

since u can't make a decision, i help u to.
i told u already, i will have to put out if u still don't decide.
don't tell me about u needing me and all.
i had enough of that.
i don't want to hang on like this anymore.
i won't be happy, i am suffering.
is like no end.
u know, i will have to start thinking for myself.
i have been thinking for u always and i neglect myself.
i can't be so good always, i just can't get what i want.

do care about how other people feel.
and appreciate whatever they did.
well, maybe u did that to others but not me.
i understand.
i am always the stupid one.
but u really hurt me a lot.
i really hate how much i love u.

this is the last time i telling u all this.
if you wanna change or u don't wanna change, is your business.
i can't care about it anymore.
i have done my part as a good bf and also a good friend.
but still, i do nothing to make it better.
so that's all i wanna say.
go think about what i said, go think yourself.
or if u wanna treat it as a bullshit then is okie.
i already accept it, i don't expect much for u.

good luck and bless u.

a post for u, catherine leow.