confess.

Sigh.
suppose to be happy today.
cuz i hang out with piggy and grandma at pavilion.
had a nice day and yet spend so much.
well, not me.
i just bought a tee and a boxer.
sometimes is really hard to control.
haha.

i am such an emo freak larh.
haha.
well, what i am not right?
feeling so tired.
been out since morning till evening.
drive from kl to nilai and to kl again.
not to mention, being piss is also a waste of energy.
is not that i want to.
i am seriously do pissed. but i control my temper.
cuz i know i have no right to angry abt it.
and i am just being stupid.

and again.
i feel that i change lots in my temper.
is that a good thing?
but still being bully.
sigh.

i guess grandma made me sad too.
she said about her bf, and from what i heard, he is really an ass.
but what to do, she loves him so much.
i can't do much to help her, the only thing is she wake up and realize.

talking about that, see what love can do.
it can make someone become so dumb.
but u know sometimes is really hard to control the feelings.
is not easy to let go.
sigh.

well, just like me.
being so dumb because of her.
love is like a magic.
i just can't let go.
wasting my time on someone who doesn't love me back.
sigh.
this is life i guess.

and grandma ask me about mikie.
i told her what i don't like about this girl.
then she ask me why i still hold on to it when i already know she is not the one for me.
i said i don't know.
u know i am being selfish, i know i am wasting her time.
i am being a jerk, for lying to her and all.
what for??

i just realise about this today.
why?
because seeing myself loving someone so much but she is loving other people.
then i know how it feel.
i am just doing the same thing that what she do to me.

hold on to 2 people and lying everyday.
is this what i want?
why am i making myself suffer?
sigh.

grandma said is fair for me and her.
why?
because we lie to each other.
should i be happy or be sad about it?
this is no joke wei.
i am the one that suffer, not neither both of them.
well, i can't blame anyone.
i am the one that making all this up.
make it even worst now.
what comes to me, i will just accept it.
there is no turning back.
i hate myself.
for everything i did.

that day she asked me, " what kind of relationship are we having now?"
sigh.
i know what she wants.
but i just wanna hang on to it.
cuz i just don't wanna have any relationship.
i told her is not the right time.

frankly speaking, i won't wanna have any relationship with neither both of the girl.
even i have feelings for both but i won't.
is not worth for me to do so.
is either i am gonna hurt someone or someone gonna hurt me, that's the conclusion.
i rather go find another girl, i mean besides the both of them.

so people stop asking me about all the bullshit.
i am still single.
yes, there are girls for me but i don't want to commit.
that's all i can say.
i have to protect myself.

again, gotta apologize to the both of them.
for the things i did.
i am sorry.

sighness.
i am suppose to be doing my marketing assignment now.
but look like i don't have to mood to do so.
yea, is because of her again.
well, don't be confused.
my friend classified them as "P" and "M".
so i guess today is because of "P".
i have to love her less.
from now on.

tomorrow gonna be busy.
do packing.
today already escaped.
haha.
then have to really start my assignment.
next tuesday moving man.
then i guess i won't be so stress anymore.
sigh.
all the best to myself.

suddenly i felt that i am missing zera.
i remember her scolding me for being dumb.
and she said i have to think for myself.
i really miss talking to her.
well, wait till u online then.

what am i thinking?

about the football match tomorrow?
or some other things?
or assignment?

i am just confused.
i guess i am too tired.
really need to sleep early.
being sad is not the way to lives.

that's all for now.
hopefully i will have time to update my blog.
gonna be busy.
ciaoz.

word of the day = lies

I love someone who doesn't love me back and i like someone who loves me so much.

Jay @ guilty