Lost.

i am here again.

listen to so darn many emo songs.

gosh.

this is killing me.

i just don't have the mood.

i ain't doing anything at all.

sitting in front of my computer.

staring and thinking.

what the fuck is wrong with me?

even though her messages do make me laugh.

maybe because she reply so slow.

so i sort of bored with it.

but i am glad that the whole day, u did make me happy.

keep calling me "geng yau".

i don't know why.

=)

today class at 8am.

the BIS tutorial was killing me man.

he talks way too much.

which makes me wanna sleep badly.

what the hell is wrong with all this tutors wei?

then MKA.

it was alright.

went pavilion with piggy then.

ate japanese food, "kampachi".

up to standard, i mean my standard.

haha~

then walk around looking for stuff.

yes, i always shop for clothes.

someone is so jealous of me =p

is alright.

probably one day gonna go shop with u ok?

then fought with piggy. yes again.

i am so sick of it.

can we just don't fight for one day?

is it my problem that this happen?

sigh~

damn, it just can't go on like this.

i have to find a solution man.

damn, don't let me fall back to the beginning again.

i am just climb a lil now.

still got long way to go.

sigh~

i am dying to let go.

i am serious.

don't let me stay in this kind of life pls.

could someone just get me out of this?

just fuck it.

i am fed up with it already.

just stop doing that to me, catherine leow.

stop pretending that i still got a chance.

stop lying to me.

just pity me.

if u really don't need me, stop pulling back.

u got someone else.

then just go on with it.

i am really suffering by your uncertainty.

everytime when i wanna talk to u about this.

u avoided me.

how long u wanna hold on like this?

how long u wanna avoid?

how many guys u wanna keep?

u never make a decision in your life.

all you know is saying that your life sucks and mess up your life again and again.

not knowing that you are wrong but repeat the mistake again.

what u want me to do?

i tried to change u but u ain't changing.

scold u now but after a month, u are doing the same darn thing again.

are u not understand or what?

i bet u sure said that i don't understand your situation and all but how am i gonna know when u don't even wanna tell?

u said u had your decision.

i don't know how many times i heard this but still the same.

i hate it, your attitude especially.

i know everyone pamper u but pls, respect us ok.

i really don't know how to help u anymore.

again and again i have to scold u but u are the same.

sigh~

i am not saying anything anymore.

i am pissed.

so just let it be k.

whatever u wanna become.

i know i am not the guy u love so u probably won't care about what i said  here.

maybe i should ask your jo to talk to u about it.

damn, i am pissed.

can't fucking continue writing anymore.

that's all for now.

ciaoz.

words of the day = i wonder what kind of person are u.

Jay @ pissed

Staring at the sun

Daylight on my shoulder
Makes me feel alive
You kept me standing in your shadow
And it’s a cold cold place to hide

I’m running away from this messed up place
I’m breaking free, yeah yeah

I’m tired of staring at the sun
Can’t stand the way you burn my eyes so I can’t see
Stealing every breath I breathe
You push me into overdrive
And I don’t need this kind of high coz now I’m done
You took everything while I was staring at the sun

I know you won’t let me
But just turn and walk away
You'll tie me up, kick me around
Trying to kill my dreams and break me down
But I won’t hang around

I’m running away from this messed up place
I’m breaking free, yeah yeah

I’m tired of staring at the sun
Can’t stand the way you burn my eyes so I can’t see
Stealing every breath I breathe
You push me into overdrive
And I don’t need this kind of high coz now I’m done
You took everything while I was staring at the sun
I was staring at the sun

Daylight on my shoulder
I know its time to run
Yes I know its time to run

I’m tired of staring at the sun
Can’t stand the way you burn my eyes so I can’t see
Stealing every breath I breathe (stealing every breath I breathe)
You push me into overdrive
And I don’t need this kind of high coz now I’m done
You took everything while I was staring at the sun
Yeah, yeah staring at the sun
You took everything while I was staring at the sun

Pieces.

here it goes.

another day gone.

a tiring day today.

wanting to be so emo and such a hero that i went to sleep at 3am yesterday night.

haa~

so end up, i am the one that suffer.

well, i am used to it already.

this kind of lifestyle will only make me suffer more.

but what to do, hard to change.

so DSM tutorial was a disaster.

=.=

i don't know what on earth is he saying.

he is like talking to only a group.

regret never choose Ms Sheela class.

but damn, i have no choice now.

so DSM lecture after that.

actually it was kinda interesting but due to the sleepless night.

i felt asleep in the lecture.

after lecture, went piggy's home.

slept from 11.30am till 4.30pm.

darn obvious is like sleeping monster right?

for dinner, i went midvalley to meet up my friend.

gosh.

she said she is like seeing a ghost.

she said i became thinner and face so teruk (cannot see).

sigh~

perhaps one day i just gonna thin to death.

i am picking up the pieces of my broken heart.

thinking that whether life is meaningless.

but only to realize that i myself make my life meaningless.

well, i am kinda emo today.

but i handle it well.

at least i never cry today.

i am glad.

that i laugh today.

which is better than yesterday.

hopefully tomorrow is better than today.

thanks for the friends that being there for me.

and some even sick of bothering me.

haha~

i deserve it.

My cousins, my sister and me was having this conversation over the msn.

which is always crapping so much.

but i found something which my cousin said useful.

Jaime : "u never heard one chinese word said can pick up can let go meh?"

Miyuki : but i need time to let go, guys are all the same.

Mojo: U all don't be so childish la

             say to yourself "just fuck it"

Jaime: u guys are still young la.

               boys/girls will come when the time comes

               career is more important as it can control and own it

               now u all still young, just enjoy and play, no need to put "heart" one.

this is just a part of the conversation.

but still i found it true.

especially the career part.

when only i can have a mature thinking?

sigh~

why is this song here?

made me super emo wei.

i am listening "to make her love me by rascal flatts"

a song that i always listen when i had a crush on this last time.

that was a past.

now, i am slowly climbing up from this hole.

which is so deep and dark.

that i actually need someone to guide me through.

i am tired of hiding inside.

turning round and round, can't even find a way out.

i am trying my best.

trying my best to see the light above.

waiting to see the world outside which i ignored.

i am not gonna give up even if i fail again.

no matter what, i must get out.

damn, i feel like crying now.

but i control.

all this songs just killing me.

please, jay.

stop being no mood.

be happy.

smile =)

sigh~

is already 2am.

i wonder why is she not here yet.

 a girl that so funny talking to.

maybe she is not gonna online today?

don't know why she keep said that i am geng.

haha~

and oh yea.

she actually told me what kanasai means.

=D

alright.

guess that's all.

ciaoz.

i am glad that i am ending this post with a smiling face.

words of the day = picking up the pieces of my broken heart, wishing that someone could lend me a hand.

Jay @ control

Leave out all the rest.

 I dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
Cause no one else cared

After my dreaming
I woke with this fear
What am I leaving
When I'm done here

So if you're asking me
I want you to know

[Chorus]
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed

And don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
[End Chorus]

Don't be afraid
I've taken my beating
I've shared what I made

I'm strong on the surface
Not all the way through
I've never been perfect
But neither have you

So if you're asking me
I want you to know

[Chorus]
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed

Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
[End Chorus]

Forgetting
All the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well

Pretending
Someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are

[Chorus]
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed

Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Forgetting
All the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well

Pretending
Someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are
I can't be who you are

Nobody.

Who is there to mend my broken heart?

nobody.

who is there to cheer me up?

nobody.

who is there to make things worst?

myself.

who is there to hold on to this?

myself.

sigh~

when am i gonna wake up from this?

a week, a month or a year?

i can feel that this time is the worst.

like the last time i had my break-up.

why am i feeling so worst?

i am confused.

everyone is making me confuse.

i feel so down for the an unknown reason.

i can't control my tears.

how shameful to say this.

i know there are friends that care about me like zera and huanrock.

i know u guys want me to live better.

trying hard to wake me up from this.

but i am trying too.

thanks for the concern and advises.

u guys did a great job.

i am feeling so down.

i don't feel like going out.

don't feel like laughing at a joke.

don't like doing anything.

i just wanna stay at home.

just wanna cry my heart out.

and be a loner for a moment.

i don't know who will read this.

and say that i am dumb or pity me for this.

or worry about me.

but i am trying to be strong.

trying to get away from this.

trying my best to actually stop thinking about it.

what is wrong jay?

u ain't a cry baby ok.

just be strong.

take things easy.

why are u telling people to do so but u can't do it?

it ain't not end of the world.

there is long way to go.

u are not gonna be like this for the rest of your life right?

i am crying so hard now.

i want someone to heard me out,

but i don't know who to call or

who to share.

i feel so suffering.

well, i really need to cool down now.

try to blog more if i feel better later.

ciaoz.

words of the day = loving u is hard to do

jay @ cooling down