Sad

Ahhh.

looking at the live scores for the chelsea match really pissed me off.

what is wrong with the blues man?

damn.

hopefully a better second half alright.

i just did a mask.

thanks sis for it.

my face is getting like a piece of shit.

ain't no attractive anymore. Lol.

i seriously have to make over for my appearance.

if not i gonna have a fucking zombie face.

and i need a hair cut.

yea, wednesday gonna head for a hair cut.

i wasn't really wanna blog today.

but i kind of in the mood.

so here i am crapping about shits and stuff.

i did nothing today.

had a half day yum cha session.

better than me staying home and think the shit out of me right.

it was tiring.

i have no idea why.

i just can't get myself to work.

not in that mood yet.

damn.

feel so hopeless.

no wonder i am the CEO of MOH.

the head of hopeless betul.

i am so free now.

no idea what can i do.

started to think again.

sometimes i just don't wanna think but i just can't.

i do wonder what got into me that i am being like this now.

why it has to be girls that always bring me down.

why i always fall for same type of girls.

why i have to fall so deep that i don't even think of pulling myself out.

why? why? why?

i hate this. seriously.

cuz i can't get the answer to them.

every single post, is so emo.

when can i stop being like this?

i am so tired with this kinda life.

how i wish i could just runaway from all this shits.

and live a simple and happy life.

sigh.

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a lil confession*

sometimes i am curious about what kind of person are you.

i have no idea what you want at all.

your favorite response is i don't know.

i seriously wonder what are you thinking sometimes.

i feel that i don't understand you at all, not knowing you well.

i am suffering and i don't know how i gonna tell you this.

i did try to pull myself out at first but it ended up going even deeper.

what is it that make me fall so deep?

everyday i will take a lil time to think, why it has to be you?

sometimes i get speechless when i think of the reason of me falling for you.

you weren't the best or should i say that, not the type i want.

but to me, you are just special in some way. and you are definitely not the blardy replacement.

i heard a lot about you and it confused me. I get moody because i feel that i had made a wrong decision.

i started to doubt about what i actually want. do i really like you or what?

somehow, i can't help falling for you. i got worried.

i know, i am liking someone who is so impossible. someone i couldn't get a chance with.

and wtf am i doing now? falling deeper and deeper.

the worst is i don't even think of giving up. not giving up is good but sometimes is an act of stupidness as well.

believing in hard work do pay off shit? i seriously doubt.

i did so much, just hoping for something in return.

and what i get always? nothing in return. no, i get hurt in return. every single time.

should i say god is unfair to me? or this is just my punishment for all the sins i did?

i am not trying to be negative thinking here.

just that i don't see any bright light there. i can only see darkness.

i am just chasing after a broken dream. and get myself into a even deeper shit. waiting for rejection? damn.

i hate being sad but i just can't help it. when i can stop being emo?

damn.

i was even fucking sad the other night. the night after club.

i found myself in tears when i was driving home alone. wtf.

i thought i won't, cause i didn't know that you actually mean so much to me.

emotional breakdown i would say.

i wonder, do you actually know that how much you mean to me. do you actually care? care about how i feel.

and wtf. i get so emotional now and i feel like..........

damn.

i do really like you. very much.

i might do everything hopelessly. but liking you is not a hopeless thing at all.

i am trying my best. be confident. and think positive.

okie. i got so fucking hurt right now.

my brain is full of sadness.

*****************************************************************************

i think i will update soon.

last few days of 2009.

let me emo till the end of 2009.

damn.

and give me a good start of 2010.

take care peeps.

*btw, chelsea is now 2-1 up. are you telling me to believe in hard work? or miracle. whatever.*

*you wouldn't know how important are you to a particular someone.*