Decision

I was standing in front of the fridge just now.

choosing what i wanna drink.

then i think i got selective problem (maybe influenced by zoie)

choosing between coke and tiger.

hmm.

both are also bad for health.

well. since both are so bad, then at last i choose tiger over coke.

lol.

i am feeling tired now.

due to driving? or maybe restless night.

is not like i can't fall asleep, just that i sleep kinda late.

well, i miss my yi li and xiao li.

i was thinking that whether i will get the chance to see them again.

sigh.

this is life i guess.

this two fella would be the only thing that i can't let go of.

i am feeling kinda down.

the reason behind it will be no reason.

out of sudden, i am just feeling sad.

i miss my friends.

and i miss you of cuz.

one thing, i am glad that is not too late for me to wake up now.

if not i am not sure how many friends i gonna lose.

Take this chance here, i wanna apologize to most of my friends.

I am sorry. Sorry for everything.

and also thanks for supporting me here.

supporting me even i am having all this problem.

you guys are still here for me.

seriously, thank god for giving me so many good friends.

damn.

i can't bring myself to concentrate at the notes.

what is wrong with me?

where's those determination?

to prove that i can do better

and to prove that i can go on with my life.

most of all, to prove that i am not hopeless.

wake up!

i seriously need some motivation.

argh!

corrupted piece of shit.

i get really sensitive towards the word "dirty".

well, there is a meaning behind this word.

lol.

i gave my heart and turn my back against the world.

though you were my close friend.

but you leave me no option.

i am ready to walk out from this mess.

i had enough.

enough of hiding in your shadow.

when you don't appreciate at all.

don't even want to change.

you are hopeless.

seriously, no offense.

bear in mind, what comes around goes around.

i don't mind you make the whole world against me.

saying bad things about me or what so ever.

go ahead, i don't fucking care.

won't wanna waste my time on a young minded fella.

guys, sex and branded.

well, no offense.

because i want you to hate me.

hate me as much as i hate you now.

looks like someone gonna get pissed reading this.

sometimes i do wonder why there is such person in this world.

i mean.

there is no words to describe them.

okie whatever.

tired of those girls nowadays.

*shake head*

I went to watch "Jennifer's body" today.

Megan Fox is a bomb man.

she is so darn hot.

but the show is just an average rating type.

a great day.

get to hang out with them.

and had fun thou.

at least something different okie.

tomorrow will be the last day of October.

can't wait for November.

bad luck go away.

or else i seriously need to go temple already.

2nd November, reminds me of you.

sigh.

looks like i got so many decisions to make.

hmm.

perhaps i should go to confession?

and counseling?

i need to get to study already.

MUST!

Looks like someone is falling in love.

please tell me it is not true.

okie.

that's all.

ciaoz.

*Pursuit of happiness*

Freak

Oh gosh.

i am so darn awake now.

and is already 2.17am.

wtf.

i can't seem to feel tired.

perhaps due to the chinese tea? or i slept in the afternoon?

whatever.

okie.

it was a great weekend.

Chelsea back at the top of the table.

mainly thanks to the return of Joe Cole.

my long awaited favorite player.

Liverpool beat Man Utd.

Torres is awesome.

and oh ya, fuck Arsenal.

cuz they play a lousy game.

i was pissed.

alright, enough of the football.

Last week was cool.

there were times where i can't find my direction.

well, i guess is all clear now.

all i need to do is just fuck it.

fuck everyone's life.

lol.

one more thing.

my assignment disaster is finally over.

thank god.

but bad news too.

exam is around the corner.

fuck.

and i know nothing about ICBM.

*claps*

i think i am gonna die so soon.

haha.

been going through hell.

my god.

come on, just fuck the October away.

nothing has been good during this month.

BUT.....

i learn something thou.

learn not to trust anyone. basically ANYONE.

and learn to be a lil bit more cruel.

i seriously mean it.

lol.

shitty stuff always happens during October.

which explain why October sucks.

My lovely old dog is waiting for the right time.

that was fucking sad.

she has been a survivor.

and now she gonna lose this fight.

fuck.

i can't imagine my life without her.

i am not ready yet. seriously.

people, just pray for my old doggy okie?

well, i just don't wanna lose her.

but i have no choice.

sigh.

yea, i do have a new dog now.

this creature is terribly playful.

seriously need some training.

if not, i am gonna go crazy.

overall still okie.

just hope everything goes well.

gosh. can't wait for exam to be over.

then i am free.

free from everything.

especially from those stupid faces.

haha.

then i am off to work.

and off to holidays.

wohoo~

i think i got some sickness.

been feeling dizzy recently.

as if like i am gonna faint anytime anywhere.

that sounds cool.

lol.

maybe i am also waiting for the right time.

XD

Argh.

i guess i need some entertainment.

life have been so bored.

basically thanks to that someone.

zzzzzzzzzz

fuck yourself.

i think i am gonna faint soon.

so i should just stick on my bed now.

well, and maybe you no longer see me tomorrow.

XD

"bitches are everywhere"

ciaoz.

disaster

I think i am down with flu.

sigh

a horrible week.

yea, the whole week has been a disaster.

and i am so tired of it.

well, from this week.

it makes me realized that love is just dumb.

even better if you applied it into dumb people.

awww.

not to forget i am dumb as well.

haha.

okie, lame.

it has been bad.

ups and downs.

nobody even give a damn.

so what for doing so much?

argh, sick of it.

well.

my point here is "Is not easy to be ah kok".

people might think i am good.

i am dumb or nice to bully.

behind all this, ah kok is not like that.

i have so many burdens which i am tired of carrying it.

i have problems where no one is there to care about.

the other way round, i am trying so hard to help people.

when people don't even give a damn to what i do to them.

you think is easy huh?

to be me?

sometimes i don't wanna be myself as well.

some people might thinks that what i do is bad.

trying to harm them or whatever.

that's why i said doing good things don't get good return.

so by looking at this fact.

i have to make a decision.

is alright to not getting any good return.

at least that i am happy that i did something good.

others don't appreciate is their problem.

no point being bad because of this right.

what for?

if is it so hard to be friend with me then let me know.

i am being nice here.

if you think that you want to avoid me,

then go ahead.

if you think you are happy this way,

go ahead.

changing someone is not easy.

especially those complicated people.

sometimes i wonder why there is such human in this world that act like this.

i tried but still the same.

so what for trying?

let them die where they want to.

i am saying here because i know that someone is not happy with me.

thinks that i am fake or did something bad to her.

thinks that everything i do is trying to ruin her life.

so let it be.

no matter what you think, i am doing what i am suppose to do.

as a friend or what.

hate me for who i am.

because being ah kok is not easy.

please do care about my feelings.

i don't care what you think about me.

it doesn't matter anymore.

just because of one fella.

everything is a mess.

just because you are dumb.

everything seems to get worst.

it is worth?

is not easy to be me.

as those who knows why.

you guys should understand my situation

i am currently in complicated situation

stuck in the middle of nowhere.

thanks for supporting me.

for everything i do, there is a reason to it.

ciao.

Friend

To grandma, dumdum and yin.

don't worry there, everything is gonna be fine. i will still hang out with you guys when you guys are back in Kl. What i trying to say here is that, just accept the new me okie? i promise that i will still treat you guys good. No worries. and please don't beg me to patch things up. i won't do so and i just think that it is not worth at all. again and again. i am really tired of it, hope you guys can understand my situation. I really miss you guys. wish that i can be at Aussie as well. haha. take care. hugsss.

Full stop.

argh!!

fuck off idiots, bitches, sluts or whoever.

get out from my mind!

well, that of cuz doesn't include you.

but soon, you will be out of my mind.

sorry, i think that i just have to give up.

maybe a better decision?

another day with bad luck?

i guess this whole October just sucks.

that's why i never like October.

haha.

i am gonna down with sickness soon.

feeling a lil unwell.

or maybe i didn't drink a single drop of plain water yet?

or i only had one meal today.

i had a lil chat with Leon just now.

he asked me to move on.

yea, maybe i should.

instead of sticking here with regret.

takes time alright.

so no mood today.

mainly due to assignment.

and some hopeless people.

i really don't know what to do man.

i just don't understand the theory that you liking someone because they treat you good.

well, which means you will just get together with whoever that treated you good?

okie.

no offense.

sometimes girls are just dumb in love.

full stop.

that explain all.

I found a very good sentence.

"lie once, and the thousand truths will be doubted"

(Toto Kho, 2009)

~ you wrote one nice thing here and it really make sense.

alright.

i guess i am not gonna do my bmpp.

i am so no mood.

and lazy.

ciaoz.