Realization

November 11th~

2.32am~

somehow kinda emo.

well, emo already became part of my life now.

sigh~

wondering where the hell is she now.

looks like she doesn't care anymore.

and i am the one that care about it so much now.

damn~

what comes around goes around huh.

giving me excuses like how i used to do it.

making me disappointed like how i used to make her felt.

keep me wonder what the hell she wants, just like how i made her feel last time.

came back to me now.

gotta stop myself from going too deep.

not to commit please!

i hate this.

seriously do.

i don't wanna fucking care anymore.

stupid weakness, just go away ok!

i wanna change.

everyday cakap cakap only.

actions please!

don't let this thing keep you hanging for life!

WAKE UP JAY KOK!

another 6 days to my first paper.

sighness~

all i did was just 3 questions of QM.

please feel guilty man.

i no idea what am i doing.

everyday just doing nothing.

emo emo emo only.

think think think only.

fuck it!

girls are not important at all ok!

why on earth that i have to suffer because of girls?

that's it.

at this time.

3am.

i gotta stop thinking about this.

stop being emo because of them.

from today onwards till after my finals.

i must do it.

this is a task.

a challenge.

whatever comes to me, just ignore.

all i know is i have to study.

do well in finals.

not do well in love.

just fuck it when they cari pasal.

be what i wanna be.

do what i wanna do.

go where i wanna go.

learn to be cruel.

care about how i feel.

do what i promise myself.

action is important.

it's over.

Life, just go where you wanna be.

i don't wanna make a fuss about anything for now.

i leave it to you.

just lead me to a happy ending.

as for the decision.

need time for it.

those who can't wait.

go to hell.

what i must do now.

is all about myself.

not anyone else.

that's it.

end of story.

okie.

i sudah decide like this.

whether you like it or not.

none of my business.

i am tired of being a nice guy.

enjoy life.

you are just not so important.

I hate this part right here.

is not easy.

but i will try.

is alright to like.

is alright to get used to it.

is alright to fall in love.

but 

learn to love yourself first.

hopefully.

my next post.

won't be a emo post.

or anything to sad about.

MUST DO IT!!!

give me the courage to do so.

god bless me.

alright.

ciao ciao~

word of the day = i hate this part right here

Jay @ determination

Obama!

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Mess

November 2nd~

sigh~

it been ages since my last update.

For those who are wondering,

i have been really busy.

with assignmentssss.

and of cuz girls XD

thank god, no more assignment for now.

haa~

but.....

finals this month.

gosh =(

The past few weeks, been ups and downs.

well, so many things happened till i can't even remember them.

okie, that probably those bad stuff.

so just throw them away.

so now, today, this hour.

i just got back from movie.

watched "the coffin".

gosh~

it brings me to my dream man.

so boring!

somehow, got back and started to feel emo.

sighness~

is already 2.17am, but i just can't bring myself to sleep.

feeling guilty, sad and lonely.

i miss her, to be honest.

people will only know how to appreciate when that something is not here anymore.

i found myself hard to move on.

with everything i do, they just hanging there.

i don't find myself complete something huh?

am i that useless?

well, i guess i made a mistake.

everyone make mistake right?

but am i too much sometime?

i messed up.

making life so miserable for other people.

i hate myself.

yes, i don't understand what girl thinks.

i don't even care.

i don't know what i want.

"your problem comes when you don't even know what is your problem" (Ms.Oh)

my lecturer said this last week.

which i think is so meaningful huh.

so apply to me.

i gotta start study really soon.

just somehow wondering whether i can concentrate not.

with these things around me.

i find it so hard to do something.

please please.

i am such an emotional person.

always let those stuff bother me.

wake up man!

i wanna settle this.

i wanna stop being emo.

stop.

emo sekarang.

you ask me not to be sad.

but how can i not sad?

i guess i am just too soft-hearted.

can i blame it to my horoscope?

which i think every taurus are soft-hearted.

haa~

what so ever la ok.

i am so tired now.

Happy Birthday ok!

enjoy your day.

i won't make you sad today.

ciaoz~

words of the day = i messed up.

Jay @ emo

Jovial

ahaaha~

just finish rushing my assignment.

gila sial~

always do last minute work.

today only start doing, geng leh~

i wonder one day, i cannot finish.

then macam mana huh?

haha~

probably die man >.<

okie.

=)

i have been quite happy.

i mean after that 2 days break.

things back to normal.

hopefully nothing like that gonna happen again man.

but........

speechless suddenly.

on friday, suppose went to assignment meeting.

okie, actually me and bobok went.

but that two fella, zoie and kelvin!

ffk us and never tell us.

argh!

so me and bobok went to eat.

at this blardy bad service restaurant.

not to mention the name here (haa, i respect them)

then suppose bobok said belanja me eat one.

but then, when the bill came.

ahaha.

that bobok woman act nothing.

so end up, i paid myself =(

bluff me~

XD

then send bobok home.

and head to Midvalley to meet kaka.

had a long talk session with her.

haha~

conclusion, things solved.

then went back fetch the aunt.

went to watch movie with her.

damn~

painted skin again!

oh ya, forget to tell you guys that i watched it on thursday night with bobok and parents.

so, i wanted to fall asleep man.

and is boring~

at night talk to soh po =)

everything back to normal.

that's it for friday.

on saturday, went for hair cut.

then, go eat with toh sook wei.

ahaa.

and bought crayon shin chan comic.

head to find bobok then.

went home, eat home come dinner.

haha~

head to bobok's house at night.

suppose to do assignment.

then pula, end up online there.

and that bobok pula emo emo.

=.=

wanna slap her man.

everyday emo for no reason like that.

be happy ok bobok.

today, nothing much.

went to temple with mum and aunt.

then lunch, came home.

start to do my assignment.

do a lil, ahaa.

raining, so here i come my bed.

haha~

i hugged my bed till 6 something.

haha~

went to online a while.

head to dinner.

came home, continue the blardy assignment.

argh!

killing me man.

aiks.

chelsea won.

so happy.

be stay at the top for the whole season.

liverpool is catching up.

=.=

tomorrow going to visit tisya.

happy~

cuz grandma will be going as well.

omg, long time never hang out together already.

aiks~

can't wait for tomorrow.

aiks.

this month.

one assignment down.

another 4 more to go.

and one test.

bodoh sial~

JFIOK.

=)

i am currently admiring Jay Chou's latest songs.

damn~

is so nice and cute.

haha~

can't wait for the album.

ahh~

i want the limited one please.

can someone get for me?

=(

okie.

that's all.

ciaoz.

words of the day = la la sa sa wa wa ha ha ya ya, wohoooo~

Jay @ happy

Pain

Is already past 12am.

damn.

2 days break just passed by like this.

finally the day has arrive.

is time to think about what should i do now.

word to describe this 2 days are hurt, missing, realize and regret.

i wanna test myself,

but at the same time, i wanna see how things go.

now i know the answer.

is darn hard.

it hurt so bad.

that's why i packed myself with so many activities.

make my day full.

so that i don't stay at home and think about her.

yea, i did.

and now, 2 days passed.

now the problem is her.

what is she thinking?

i have no idea how.

i am sad.

what should i do now?

i am so tired now.

i just feel like lying down on the bed and do nothing at all.

but i can't.

assignments are waiting for me.

but............

i can't move myself.

i don't feel like doing anything at all at the this moment.

damn.....

by the way,

i really miss her alot.

ciaoz.

word of the day = hurt

Jay @ down