Over

my blog has became an

Abandon site...............

okie.

finish finals and done with studies stuff, here comes the HOLIDAYSSS!!!!

3 months sem break.

break a leg man!

keep looking for jobs recently, just don't wanna stay home.

too much time at home will make me a mad man.

sighness~

time flies.

here we are, December.

reminds me of christmas.

white snow and presents.

but somehow, she left me.

left me here alone, regretting.

i hate her but i know is my bad.

i was late, late to make an action.

You know what, Jay. You sucks, you are just a fucking dumb guy.

i screwed up. too bad, so sad. No ones pity me.

No ones know how bad it hurts, no ones know how sad am i.

And No ones know How Important she is to me.

only i know. I know.

i am still not over her. 

She hurts me, badly.

just hoping that miracle happens.

is true that everyone deserve a second chance, just one more chance i need.

damn!

I am just useless.

haiz.

is too late, too late talking about this.

she wouldn't care anymore.

I am not longer that certain people.

memories, that's all.

i really do heart you.

word of the day = tell me why are you so hard to forget?

Jay @ regret

I hate this part right here.

We're driving slow through the snow
On fifth avenue
And right now radio's
All that we can hear

Man we ain't talked since we left
It's so overdue
It's cold outside
But between us

The world slows down but my heart beats fast right now
I know this is the part where the end starts

I can't take it any longer
Thought that we were stronger
All we do is linger
Slipping through our fingers

I don't want to try now
All that's lefts goodbye to
Find a way that I can tell you

I hate this part right here
I hate this part right here
I just can't take your tears
I hate this part right here

Everyday seven takes of the same
Seems we're bound by the loss of the same team
Gotta talk to you now fore we go to sleep
But well we sleep once I tell you

The world slows down but my heart beats fast right now
I know this is the part where the end starts

I can't take it any longer
Thought that we were stronger
All we do is linger
Slipping through our fingers

I don't want to try now
All that's lefts goodbye to
Find a way that I can tell you

I hate this part right here
I hate this part right here
I just can't take your tears
I hate this part right here

I know you'll ask me to hold on
And carry on like nothings wrong
But there is no more time for lies
Cause I see in your eyes

I can't take it any longer
Thought that we were stronger
All we do is linger
Slipping through our fingers

I don't want to try now
All that's lefts goodbye to
Find a way that I can tell you

But I gotta do it
I gotta do it
I gotta do it
I hate this part

I gotta do it
x3

I hate this part right here
And I just can't take these tears
I hate this part rïght here

Realization

November 11th~

2.32am~

somehow kinda emo.

well, emo already became part of my life now.

sigh~

wondering where the hell is she now.

looks like she doesn't care anymore.

and i am the one that care about it so much now.

damn~

what comes around goes around huh.

giving me excuses like how i used to do it.

making me disappointed like how i used to make her felt.

keep me wonder what the hell she wants, just like how i made her feel last time.

came back to me now.

gotta stop myself from going too deep.

not to commit please!

i hate this.

seriously do.

i don't wanna fucking care anymore.

stupid weakness, just go away ok!

i wanna change.

everyday cakap cakap only.

actions please!

don't let this thing keep you hanging for life!

WAKE UP JAY KOK!

another 6 days to my first paper.

sighness~

all i did was just 3 questions of QM.

please feel guilty man.

i no idea what am i doing.

everyday just doing nothing.

emo emo emo only.

think think think only.

fuck it!

girls are not important at all ok!

why on earth that i have to suffer because of girls?

that's it.

at this time.

3am.

i gotta stop thinking about this.

stop being emo because of them.

from today onwards till after my finals.

i must do it.

this is a task.

a challenge.

whatever comes to me, just ignore.

all i know is i have to study.

do well in finals.

not do well in love.

just fuck it when they cari pasal.

be what i wanna be.

do what i wanna do.

go where i wanna go.

learn to be cruel.

care about how i feel.

do what i promise myself.

action is important.

it's over.

Life, just go where you wanna be.

i don't wanna make a fuss about anything for now.

i leave it to you.

just lead me to a happy ending.

as for the decision.

need time for it.

those who can't wait.

go to hell.

what i must do now.

is all about myself.

not anyone else.

that's it.

end of story.

okie.

i sudah decide like this.

whether you like it or not.

none of my business.

i am tired of being a nice guy.

enjoy life.

you are just not so important.

I hate this part right here.

is not easy.

but i will try.

is alright to like.

is alright to get used to it.

is alright to fall in love.

but 

learn to love yourself first.

hopefully.

my next post.

won't be a emo post.

or anything to sad about.

MUST DO IT!!!

give me the courage to do so.

god bless me.

alright.

ciao ciao~

word of the day = i hate this part right here

Jay @ determination

Obama!

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Mess

November 2nd~

sigh~

it been ages since my last update.

For those who are wondering,

i have been really busy.

with assignmentssss.

and of cuz girls XD

thank god, no more assignment for now.

haa~

but.....

finals this month.

gosh =(

The past few weeks, been ups and downs.

well, so many things happened till i can't even remember them.

okie, that probably those bad stuff.

so just throw them away.

so now, today, this hour.

i just got back from movie.

watched "the coffin".

gosh~

it brings me to my dream man.

so boring!

somehow, got back and started to feel emo.

sighness~

is already 2.17am, but i just can't bring myself to sleep.

feeling guilty, sad and lonely.

i miss her, to be honest.

people will only know how to appreciate when that something is not here anymore.

i found myself hard to move on.

with everything i do, they just hanging there.

i don't find myself complete something huh?

am i that useless?

well, i guess i made a mistake.

everyone make mistake right?

but am i too much sometime?

i messed up.

making life so miserable for other people.

i hate myself.

yes, i don't understand what girl thinks.

i don't even care.

i don't know what i want.

"your problem comes when you don't even know what is your problem" (Ms.Oh)

my lecturer said this last week.

which i think is so meaningful huh.

so apply to me.

i gotta start study really soon.

just somehow wondering whether i can concentrate not.

with these things around me.

i find it so hard to do something.

please please.

i am such an emotional person.

always let those stuff bother me.

wake up man!

i wanna settle this.

i wanna stop being emo.

stop.

emo sekarang.

you ask me not to be sad.

but how can i not sad?

i guess i am just too soft-hearted.

can i blame it to my horoscope?

which i think every taurus are soft-hearted.

haa~

what so ever la ok.

i am so tired now.

Happy Birthday ok!

enjoy your day.

i won't make you sad today.

ciaoz~

words of the day = i messed up.

Jay @ emo