complicated.

how u define Jealousy??

Jealousy - being jealous or an instance of acting jealous

well everyone haf dis feeling too rite...most ppl think girls are actually the one who always being jealous...maybe is true but da truth is guys are actually the one tat haf this strong feeling all da time. the only difference of jealousy between guys n girls is girls usually show tat they r jealous n they complain abt it, somehow guys never like to tell or even show tat they r actually jealous.
guys never want to tell bcuz sum of them "want face"...they dun wan to let their gf noe tat they r jealous...they dun wan to show tat they actually care so much abt their gf. they dun wan their gf to think so much n said tat they dun trust them. sumtimes we ask too much doesn't mean we dun trust u girls...we just want to care...we guys never want our gf to think tat we r being sensitive...we r just care abt u girls man...if we dun care then for sure u can dump us already...we jealous bcuz we love u...get it?not tat we dun trust u k.
i understand dis situation well...i haf been through it n actually i m going through it now...i admit i m jealous when my girl play sum other guys but too bad i m tat kind tat never want to tell. i think i show now...haha...tat feeling is like shit...u noe keeping inside in hard but telling is hard too. i love my girl n for sure i trust her...i dun wan her to think tat i control her or even give her not enuf freedom. telling her will make her think tat i dun trust her...but i swear i trust her a lotz. i always dunno how to express my feelings...when i m sad or moody, i never like ppl to ask me wat happen or why? i bet most of my frens noe dis well...whenever i m angry, they leave me alone...those who disturb me will sure kena like hell from me...haha...i m bad temper n everyone knew it...but i never show it to my gf cuz i respect her. i love to think...dis kill me...i always think too much n make life complicated to myself...i try not to think but i just cant control. sumtimes is hard as i always keep my problem...i noe i haf to share wif my girl but i really dun wan her to worry...i dun wan to make her stress or sad abt it...i m complicated...even sumtimes i dunno wat i want or y m i moody.
my girl n i fight bcuz she said i never share my problem wif her...n she complain tat i always tell her nth whenever she ask me wat happen....i noe dis is a mistake...my bad...i never want to show her tat kind of shit face too...i m seriously no idea y sumtimes i do tat to her...my girls is enuf understanding...is my prob i guess...my attitude problem...i seriously try not to care but i can't...i m not blind or even deaf...i admit i m sensitive...i dun like, i not happy abt it...argh. ..u noe wat...da worst thing for u is ur fren is actually trying to court ur girl n u noe abt it but can't do nth abt it...sux rite...u dun wan to break da friendship nor da relationship...wat can u do??da answer is nth...
my girl haf gd personality but sumtimes she angry too much...is ok i dun mind abt it...i never find any negative things in her...she was almost perfect for me...i never want to lose her for sure...n i dun wan other guys to like her too...i m selffish...yea just like her...i m sad to c her stress, it makes me even more stress...i swear i never want to control her things n check on her...but i just dun like da feeling of being left out by her...i dun like her playing too much wif "him"...u never understand how tat feeling actually is...sumtimes i really felt like crying when i c them being too close...i dunno how to explain man...come on man...dun tell me u will never haf dis feeling if u r too jealous...guys never like to get jealous cuz is da worst thing tat they actually going through. maybe i think too much...maybe...maybe i m just being too sensitive...maybe dis or maybe tat. i love her too deep...yup tat's da reason man...da reason why i think too much...
i dun like to fight wif her...duh who will like rite...but sumtimes i dunno how to express my feelings...i made her sad or hurt her everytime i choose da wrong way to express my feelings...i dun wan to make her cry...i dun mean to hurt her too...i noe she hate it when i show her shit face...i dunno wat to do...i dun haf da feeling of smiling when i m jealous...but tat bad grandma always make me laugh...then my girl will tot tat i never care abt her feelings n never tok to her or so on n so on. i dun wan dis too...i seriously hate dis...i hate being jealous...i bet every guy hate it...i hate being moody...i hate being sad...i hate...i just hate...i m such a troublsome fellow man...anyone want to introduce me sum psychologist ar?
i dun wan my girl to get angry wif me, i dun wan my girl to be sad, i dun wan my girl to feel hurt...i dun wan her to feel stress too...i do nth to help her...i feel useless sumtimes...serious...i can't help everytime she haf a problem. maybe i m not a gd bf or i never give her da happiness she want... i remember she once told me tat she dun like to c my face now cuz she very sien wif my face dy n she said last time she used to feel happy when she c my face but now not anymore...it shows tat is my problem...did i change??btw i felt blardy shit when she said tat to me...is like a knife just cut my heart deeply...i can even feel da pain now...it make me think again...i seriously dun wan to tell her my shit feelings as i noe she is having problem now...she is blardy stress i noe...i dun wan to make her even more stress...i understand how she feel...i understand...tat's y i keep dis long enuf...i dunno wat to do...so i just write in here as a way to relieve my stress...hope i feel better.
i think i should start going back to church instead...i haf done many bad things...nid to do confession...i had a really bad year i guess...is just da beginning now n i m having so much problem...yea maybe dis is wat it called a punishment...i accept it...all come together like a family...blardy hell...haiz...studies, love n financial...lucky i dun haf family problem now...if not u will c me in da front page of newspaper someday...i noe i m weak, but i never give up...sumtimes it comes too strong...i really dun haf da courage to do anything. now i understand y some ppl end their life themselves...when u really haf a lotz problem..u never noe wat to do...
da best things abt me is tat i haf many gd frens n a gd gf...most of my frens care abt me alotz n they really tolak ansur wif me...they treat me as their gd fren...i really appreciate my friendships wif them...yesterday my PA just scold me...she said i mou yi hei"...maybe she was right...sumtimes i really ditch frens...i m sorry u guys...
my gf...da best gf tat i ever had in my life...dis is true...even though she make me jealous all da time...i still love her alotz...i never want her to leave me nor i never sampai hati to leave her...aiks...i appreciate her love n i noe she appreciate mine too...she always thr for me but my bad dun wan to choi her sumtimes when i m moody...i m sorry baby...i really dun mean to do tat...i just dunno how to control my feelings...
"my baby girl...if u happen to read dis...i m sorry tat i never tell u my problem everytime u ask me...is not tat i dun wan to share wif u...i dun wan u to feel more stress abt it...i noe u haf ur problem too...i dun wan to make more problem for u...i feel shit tat i can't even help u at all...but i will try my best to make u smile every single day...i love u very much n i hope u noe tat i really trust u alotz...i never think of controlling u but i really dun like tat u r being too close wif "him"...i m sorry tat i haf to tell u da truth...yup i jealous every single day but i just dunno how to tell u abt it. i dun wan u to think tat i control u...sumtimes i really felt left out...i haf no idea y...my bad rite...i think too much sumtimes...somehow i love u n i trying my best to change my attitude problem k...i really can't imagine my life without u...u noe i can't do anything if u r not by my side...i c ur face everytimes oso i laugh wan...hehe...imagine without ur happiness, my life will be as dark as storm...u shine my life like the sun shine on me tat is so hot...haha...shit man...love u till wanna die...muaxx...dun be sad n stress k...dun always said die die punya thingy...cannot like tat wan k...i haf a surprise for u..hehe...u still haf to wait another 6 days...love u lotz...hope u dun feel sad n stress after reading dis k...love u alotz...miss u so much...muaxx n hugss..."

alrite...tat's all i guess...write essay oso not so rajin...here i think got 2,000 plus words...haha...peace.